I wanted to download some pictures from Christmas to put on my blog and facebook, but realized there are very few and none of the kids actually opening any of their gifts. I was so busy opening packaging, installing batteries, making sure there were no little hair brushes or other toy pieces in the discarded wrapping paper and then disposing of said paper, that there was not a free moment to take a picture. I am the youngest of 4 children and I always thought that the reason my parents had very few snapshots of me growing up was because the things I did just wasn't new and exciting to them anymore, since they had been through it 3 times before. But now I realize that when there are more kids there is just always more to take your attention, so there is less time for things like taking pictures. So, even though I loved watching my kids open their gifts, all I have is pictures of them playing with the gifts after the wrappings had all been sent down to the garbage. But as I sat watching them laugh and play side by side, their little golden heads and sparkling eyes together, I realized that a picture wouldn't really capture the feeling of us being a family on Christmas morning and that one day in the future, I will hopefully get to look at them sitting side by side on the couch as adults watching their little golden-haired, sparkling-eyed kids open their presents.
Surprising as it may seem, this reminds me of yet another Sara Groves song. I really don't write my entries to purposely coincide with her songs, it just seems like my life coincides with them...And I hate to say that there will probably be many more to come, because Josh just got me the newest Sara Groves CD, along with the only 2 older ones I did not have.
This Peace by Sara Groves
So many words to say, but I'm opting for silence
So many days to live
I thinking I'm sitting this one out
Cause something I've been chasing finally stopped to let me catch it
Something I've been longing for and dreaming about
It's a whisper in my ear
It's a shiver up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace
It's something so elusive
Something close but far away
It's the home that I can't live in yet somewhere in outer space
And sometimes I barely miss it when I walk into the room
The curtains are still swaying and I feel the air move
And it whispers in my ear and it shivers up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace
No time to grab a camera
No time to write it down
Just time enough to breathe it in
And linger
It's a whisper in my ear
It's a shiver up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace
This peace
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
2009 Christmas Letter
I don't normally mail our letter to people who are local, since those live away from us are the ones who need an update of our year. But since I have this blog, I thought I could post it here for anyone who is interested.
Dear Family and Friends,
We have realized time passes us all by so fast! Elias is now in kindergarten and Bella has grown almost as tall as Elias and she is becoming quite a self-proclaimed princess! We passed by the baby department of Target the other day and couldn’t believe that our days of shopping there and the toddler department are over.
The year started calmly. Bella turned 3. Elias was attending preschool ½ a day and turned 5 in March. Josh & I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary in April. But when school ended, we were a buzz of activity.
We traveled A LOT this summer. We visited with some family & a few friends. We went to Kentucky to celebrate our 10th year reunion from college in June and we went to Oakland to celebrate my 15th year reunion from high school. Elias had his first real sleep over with a friend and, during one of our stays with family, learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Isabella is learning quickly on her bike and I don’t think she’ll need her training wheels too much longer. They both improved their swim skills & were much more comfortable in the water compared to last year.
The biggest change in our lives this year occurred when Elias started kindergarten this fall. After a busy & carefree summer, the routine was welcome and an adjustment all at the same time. Bella took Elias’ absence harder than we expected, since he had been gone a few hours a day for preschool last year, but she bounced back pretty quickly. Elias was excited to start “real school” & did well immediately. He has learned so much already this year and we are proud of how hard he is working and how well he is behaving. Isabella is learning right along with him. She picks up so much, just by sitting with us while we are working on Elias’ homework. Elias began playing soccer weeks after school started, so we also had to include games & practices into our schedule. He did very well & his coach said he was very teachable & would do well in the sport if he keeps playing. We loved cheering for his team, but would have loved it more if it hadn’t rained at almost every game!
Bella has been changing so much also. She loves to play on the computer & is very mechanical. She often is more interested in understanding how things work, than simply playing with them. She constantly wants to wear dresses and she changes her clothes constantly. She dances around & says she’s a girl (pronounced more like gal) & has to do girly things. Of course, when Elias and Josh are wrestling, she is always ready to join in! She is small, but she is very scrappy! She can definitely hold her own in a wrestling match!
Josh and I are still volunteering with our church and with Compassion International. Josh has just completed his first year of employment at Northrop Grumman and never gets enough sleep. I am still enjoying being home and have enjoyed the extra time with Bella while Elias is at school. I volunteer at Elias’ school one day a week & also help with parties and field trips. I feel very blessed to be able to volunteer at the school. There never seems to be enough time in the day, but we are glad that we healthy and able to do so much.
We send this hoping that your Christmas and coming year are filled with “tidings of comfort and joy”.
Merry Christmas,
Josh, Jennifer, Elias and Isabella
Dear Family and Friends,
We have realized time passes us all by so fast! Elias is now in kindergarten and Bella has grown almost as tall as Elias and she is becoming quite a self-proclaimed princess! We passed by the baby department of Target the other day and couldn’t believe that our days of shopping there and the toddler department are over.
The year started calmly. Bella turned 3. Elias was attending preschool ½ a day and turned 5 in March. Josh & I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary in April. But when school ended, we were a buzz of activity.
We traveled A LOT this summer. We visited with some family & a few friends. We went to Kentucky to celebrate our 10th year reunion from college in June and we went to Oakland to celebrate my 15th year reunion from high school. Elias had his first real sleep over with a friend and, during one of our stays with family, learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Isabella is learning quickly on her bike and I don’t think she’ll need her training wheels too much longer. They both improved their swim skills & were much more comfortable in the water compared to last year.
The biggest change in our lives this year occurred when Elias started kindergarten this fall. After a busy & carefree summer, the routine was welcome and an adjustment all at the same time. Bella took Elias’ absence harder than we expected, since he had been gone a few hours a day for preschool last year, but she bounced back pretty quickly. Elias was excited to start “real school” & did well immediately. He has learned so much already this year and we are proud of how hard he is working and how well he is behaving. Isabella is learning right along with him. She picks up so much, just by sitting with us while we are working on Elias’ homework. Elias began playing soccer weeks after school started, so we also had to include games & practices into our schedule. He did very well & his coach said he was very teachable & would do well in the sport if he keeps playing. We loved cheering for his team, but would have loved it more if it hadn’t rained at almost every game!
Bella has been changing so much also. She loves to play on the computer & is very mechanical. She often is more interested in understanding how things work, than simply playing with them. She constantly wants to wear dresses and she changes her clothes constantly. She dances around & says she’s a girl (pronounced more like gal) & has to do girly things. Of course, when Elias and Josh are wrestling, she is always ready to join in! She is small, but she is very scrappy! She can definitely hold her own in a wrestling match!
Josh and I are still volunteering with our church and with Compassion International. Josh has just completed his first year of employment at Northrop Grumman and never gets enough sleep. I am still enjoying being home and have enjoyed the extra time with Bella while Elias is at school. I volunteer at Elias’ school one day a week & also help with parties and field trips. I feel very blessed to be able to volunteer at the school. There never seems to be enough time in the day, but we are glad that we healthy and able to do so much.
We send this hoping that your Christmas and coming year are filled with “tidings of comfort and joy”.
Merry Christmas,
Josh, Jennifer, Elias and Isabella
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Kids for Rent
Between the hours of 6-8 a.m. you can rent two adorable and funny children. They will come complete with a cute set of jammies and if you act quickly, we will even throw in a few sippy cups of chocolate milk.
If you think this offer might be for you, give me a call or, even better, simply stop by and pick the children up the night before.*
*Expect no sleep after rental time begins and bickering to commence immediately upon children awakening. No refunds will be offered for this enlightening parental experience. If there are any questions or concerns, do not call me, because I will be "sleeping in" until the children are returned at 8 a.m..
Monday, December 21, 2009
When the Saints Go Marching In, I Want To Be One Of Them
I have been reading a lot lately. I sometimes get so caught up in books that I am thinking about the characters even while I am washing the dishes or blow drying my hair. I finished the 500 page book "Redeeming Love" in a little over 2 days over the weekend. It was a beautiful and heart wrenching story and really reminded me of the love God has for us. But after I read the book, I realized that I had not read my Bible at all during the time that I was reading it. The plot for the book I read was loosely based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and it naturally made me curious to go check the story of that minor prophet again. As I was reading it, I realized that I am amazed when people tell me that they read through the entire Bible a few times a year, or even once a year, and yet, I read pages of novels at record paces all the time. Now I am not saying that I don't read my Bible, but I definitely keep a novel I'm reading on a short tether and open it often! The books I read are often Christian Fiction and the noble Christian characters are often portrayed as reading large amounts of scripture on a regular basis. And there I sit reading about someone else reading scripture while neglecting to do it myself. (Of couse, the female characters often have the unfortunate flaw of not being able to eat when they are perplexed and becoming too thin, which is also something that I don't do!) I think that novels though can make us realize how God really is in our midst and if we were to write out our life story like a novel, we could see how God does work throughout our lives and that people really are as wonderful and as horrible as people on the pages. As I read the novel over the weekend, I thought about all the women who are today being treated like the main character did and it really grieved my heart anew. That is one of the reasons I work with Compassion. I want the weak and unprotected to have someone come to their rescue. It brings my heart some peace to know that there will be girls out there who will not be sold into prostitution because they are no longer a burden to the families finances or there will be a boy who will learn what it means to love his wife like Christ loves the church because of their participation in the Compassion Program. Sometimes when I am exposed to real and horrific stories of some of these children's circumstances before they were registered, I wish I didn't have to know or that I could believe things like this only happened to people in books, but I know that I can't. If I hide my head, it won't go away. I can only help one child at a time.
I heard the following song many times, but when I saw Sara Groves perform it live with scenes from her trips overseas, I thought my heart would break. I have been planning on going on a trip with Compassion for several years, but the kids have always been too young. Now that they are older, I feel like it is time for me to go, but I don't want to go without Josh. The reason is that I don't know if I can handle the realm of emotions I will experience without him being there with me. I know that probably sounds odd, especially since I have been working with Compassion for about 5 years now. But I know myself. I know that when I went to the Holacaust Museum in D.C. that I grieved over the tragedy of the event for weeks after. I would find myself crying as I drove to work or showered. And that was in the past and something where there has been a resolution of sorts. It will be more difficult to see first-hand that equal tragedies are occurring today all over the world. Even though I know they are and have seen and heard a lot about it, I am sure it will be nothing like being there personally.
When the Saints Go Marching In by Sara Groves
Lord I have a heavy burden
of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire
shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before
and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear
I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man's side
I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door (in rescue)
I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I heard the following song many times, but when I saw Sara Groves perform it live with scenes from her trips overseas, I thought my heart would break. I have been planning on going on a trip with Compassion for several years, but the kids have always been too young. Now that they are older, I feel like it is time for me to go, but I don't want to go without Josh. The reason is that I don't know if I can handle the realm of emotions I will experience without him being there with me. I know that probably sounds odd, especially since I have been working with Compassion for about 5 years now. But I know myself. I know that when I went to the Holacaust Museum in D.C. that I grieved over the tragedy of the event for weeks after. I would find myself crying as I drove to work or showered. And that was in the past and something where there has been a resolution of sorts. It will be more difficult to see first-hand that equal tragedies are occurring today all over the world. Even though I know they are and have seen and heard a lot about it, I am sure it will be nothing like being there personally.
When the Saints Go Marching In by Sara Groves
Lord I have a heavy burden
of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire
shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before
and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear
I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man's side
I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door (in rescue)
I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Christmas
Well, I sat down originally to say that I was ready for Christmas, in all the usual ways - our Christmas letters have been written and sent, the presents have been purchased and wrapped, the stockings are hung on our entertainment center with care, etc. But it just felt empty. It just sounded wrong to say that I was ready for Christmas because I have bought gifts or decorated. But am ready for Christmas in the true sense? Have I thought about the miracle of Jesus' birth? Have I talked to the kids about why this holiday holds such special meaning in our house? This year, as the kids have gotten older and Elias has went to school, the push to emphasize Santa has became greater. Now, I don't want to squash my kids belief in the magic of Christmas, but I also have issues with lying to them about their really being a Santa. So, every time we are in a store and someone asks them if they are being good so Santa will put them on the "good" list, I tell them (once we are in the car, of course) that God is the one who watches over us and we want to do things to please Him and not because we want gifts. It is difficult to balance letting them have their make-believe and also letting them know that God and Jesus are real and Christmas is not about getting gifts. And, because Jesus has blessed us with a great gift, we can give gifts to one another. So yesterday in the car, Bella and I hear the song "Santa Claus is coming to town" and she says, "He's not really coming to town because he isn't really real." I had a moment where I thought, "Am I being too much of a stickler about this Santa business?". I have never really told them there is not a Santa and we watch all the movies that have Santa in them, so I was sort of surprised that she said it so matter-of-fact. But she thinks very concretely, so I don't want to confuse her by denying what she said. I just said in response, "Some like to have fun during Christmas and make-believe that Santa's real." I can just hear my kids going to school and telling all the kids that Santa isn't real.
In the past, we usually gave them one gift from Santa and the rest came from us. The gift from Santa was usually the big, exciting one that they really wanted. This year, we decided to change that. We are going to put Santa's name on the small gifts in their their stocking, since historically, Saint Nicholas was said to put his gifts of food in people's stockings as they hung out to dry. We got the new Veggie Tales movie that is about the story of St. Nicholas and so the kids know that is where the tradition of hanging stockings originated. That way, we can still have a little bit of Santa, but they aren't thinking they have to ask Santa for the gifts they have dreamt of having. We brought one of Elias' schoolmates home from school the other day and conversation came to Christmas and gifts and Santa. I was pleased with Elias' comment during this conversation with his little friend. He said, "If you want to get a gift for Christmas, you pray to Jesus or our heavenly Father for it and then he gives your mommy and daddy the money to get it." Of course, his theology isn't completely accurate, since God doesn't always provide every gift we ever ask for, but I was pleased to see that his thinking in regards to Christmas is on the right track. I was also glad that he wasn't afraid to go against the flow and speak up about God's role in our lives. Of course, I know this will change as he gets older and social pressure gets greater, but I am glad that he feels free to speak up at least for now. Navigating all this is so much trickier than I expected. I knew we would have difficulty trying to explain things like bigotry or sex, but I never thought that something as simple as Santa would take so much concentrated effort! I definitely don't think I have things all figured out, but I just pray that God will give me the wisdom when I need it.
In the past, we usually gave them one gift from Santa and the rest came from us. The gift from Santa was usually the big, exciting one that they really wanted. This year, we decided to change that. We are going to put Santa's name on the small gifts in their their stocking, since historically, Saint Nicholas was said to put his gifts of food in people's stockings as they hung out to dry. We got the new Veggie Tales movie that is about the story of St. Nicholas and so the kids know that is where the tradition of hanging stockings originated. That way, we can still have a little bit of Santa, but they aren't thinking they have to ask Santa for the gifts they have dreamt of having. We brought one of Elias' schoolmates home from school the other day and conversation came to Christmas and gifts and Santa. I was pleased with Elias' comment during this conversation with his little friend. He said, "If you want to get a gift for Christmas, you pray to Jesus or our heavenly Father for it and then he gives your mommy and daddy the money to get it." Of course, his theology isn't completely accurate, since God doesn't always provide every gift we ever ask for, but I was pleased to see that his thinking in regards to Christmas is on the right track. I was also glad that he wasn't afraid to go against the flow and speak up about God's role in our lives. Of course, I know this will change as he gets older and social pressure gets greater, but I am glad that he feels free to speak up at least for now. Navigating all this is so much trickier than I expected. I knew we would have difficulty trying to explain things like bigotry or sex, but I never thought that something as simple as Santa would take so much concentrated effort! I definitely don't think I have things all figured out, but I just pray that God will give me the wisdom when I need it.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Bella's "Booty" Shop is open
Bella has opened up a beauty shop, pronounced "booty" shop, in our home. You can come visit her any time and she will make you "bootiful" free of charge.
There are just a few rules:
1. You can have no less than 5 hair accessories in your hair at any given time and they can be of any assorted style, shape, and size.
2. Do not complain about your scalp becoming raw from her diligent brushing of your beautiful locks.
3. Never expect to have input into how your hair actually looks when she is finished and do not expect her to change it, even if it is covering your face and making your nose itch.
If you would like to book your appointment, she is always looking for new victims...I mean, clients.
There are just a few rules:
1. You can have no less than 5 hair accessories in your hair at any given time and they can be of any assorted style, shape, and size.
2. Do not complain about your scalp becoming raw from her diligent brushing of your beautiful locks.
3. Never expect to have input into how your hair actually looks when she is finished and do not expect her to change it, even if it is covering your face and making your nose itch.
If you would like to book your appointment, she is always looking for new victims...I mean, clients.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
10 Random Thoughts
My blog is called Random Thoughts, so here are 10 random thoughts of today.
1. I don't understand how when we are busy and gone most of the weekend, our house is more of a mess than when we are in it all day.
2. Think I had a confirmed "sugar high" tonight at a cookie exchange. I had a weird buzzy feeling in my head and felt quite ill after eating one bite of about 15 cookies (though I did eat the entire half of a buckeye and an entire oreo truffle - which is now my all-time favorite dessert).
3. I have an amazing husband. He not only encourages me to go out, but also takes care of things marvelously at home and with the kids while I am gone.
4. Parenting requires consistent effort and sometimes I just want to sit and read a book. I just wonder why things have to constantly be a battle - I have a dream of being able to have a day where everything I say or ask will receive a "Yes, mommy" and it be done. Is that too much to ask?
5. I frustrate myself most of the time when I am in a group of women because of my big mouth and often regret opening my mouth so much and/or being so opinionated. But the next time I am in a group, I do it again. For some reason, the more uncomfortable I am in a group, the more I talk.
6. Even when I try to not spend a lot, little costs so quickly add up. I get frustrated because I look back and know that I used to be so much more thrifty.
7. Bella and Elias have been in swim suits the entire weekend around the house and Bella was very upset that she couldn't wear hers to church. My kids are constantly changing clothes and clothes are a constant debate in our house. So if anyone ever sees my kids wearing something outrageous one day, just know that I just didn't feel like having the fight over it that day!
8. I wish that I didn't get mail everyday. I feel like I fight this never-ending pile all the time, even though the majority of my bills are on automatic bill pay.
9. I think every year that I need to start on my Christmas letter and picture mailing earlier, but I am always getting it done at the last minute.
10. Continually wonder why when I feel the most stressed about all that I need to do, I actually do less.
1. I don't understand how when we are busy and gone most of the weekend, our house is more of a mess than when we are in it all day.
2. Think I had a confirmed "sugar high" tonight at a cookie exchange. I had a weird buzzy feeling in my head and felt quite ill after eating one bite of about 15 cookies (though I did eat the entire half of a buckeye and an entire oreo truffle - which is now my all-time favorite dessert).
3. I have an amazing husband. He not only encourages me to go out, but also takes care of things marvelously at home and with the kids while I am gone.
4. Parenting requires consistent effort and sometimes I just want to sit and read a book. I just wonder why things have to constantly be a battle - I have a dream of being able to have a day where everything I say or ask will receive a "Yes, mommy" and it be done. Is that too much to ask?
5. I frustrate myself most of the time when I am in a group of women because of my big mouth and often regret opening my mouth so much and/or being so opinionated. But the next time I am in a group, I do it again. For some reason, the more uncomfortable I am in a group, the more I talk.
6. Even when I try to not spend a lot, little costs so quickly add up. I get frustrated because I look back and know that I used to be so much more thrifty.
7. Bella and Elias have been in swim suits the entire weekend around the house and Bella was very upset that she couldn't wear hers to church. My kids are constantly changing clothes and clothes are a constant debate in our house. So if anyone ever sees my kids wearing something outrageous one day, just know that I just didn't feel like having the fight over it that day!
8. I wish that I didn't get mail everyday. I feel like I fight this never-ending pile all the time, even though the majority of my bills are on automatic bill pay.
9. I think every year that I need to start on my Christmas letter and picture mailing earlier, but I am always getting it done at the last minute.
10. Continually wonder why when I feel the most stressed about all that I need to do, I actually do less.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
In view of God's mercy
Romans 12:1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's MERCY, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God
I am reading a book called "Effective Parenting in a Defective World" by Chip Ingram. It is a very good book and I highly recommend it. His main point is that we raise our kids to be happy and successful and to avoid the things that are bad for them. Instead, we should be teaching them God's character and to love Jesus. He talks about teaching obedience and he points out that eventually you want your child to obey, not just out of obligation, but out of love and respect. Then I was reading Romans later that same day and I came across the verse above and the word mercy jumped off the page at me. The word mercy doesn't seem like it is the best fit logically - unless you already know the nature of our relationship with God. It could have said, "In view of God's commands..." or "In view of God's power..." or "In view of God's authority...". But it doesn't. It says, "In view of God's MERCY...". So, to put it in my own words, Paul is saying, "God is not making us become living sacrifices. He already has offered us more than we could hope for by giving us his mercy. So, come on, give God everything because he loves you." It is similar to the way I hope our children will obey one day - not because they are afraid of us or not because we tell them to, but because they love us and respect us. I had a friend in high school who, in my eyes, had an ideal mother. My friend often treated her mother terribly. She was often lying and disobeying her. It sometimes would make me angry with her. I would tell her all the time how lucky she was to have a mother who cared for her so much. She just saw her mother as getting in the way of what she wanted to do. She never listened to her mother and it was a running joke with her that if she really wanted to do anything, she had to ask at least 4 times because the first three times she would always get a "no". When she became an adult, she has had trouble with being under restrictions or authority. It has had some serious impact on her life, like job and marital problems. I used to tell her that she didn't know how lucky she was to have the mother she did and that she should obey her more. She would agree that she had a great mother, but then she would justify her disobedience with saying, "That is just how I am and my mother knows it!". I never really thought that because she never learned to adhere to authority as a child, it has caused unfaithfulness in her relationship with God, but after reading this book, I think it does. Of course, we all make our own decisions and we each have the Holy Spirit speaking into our hearts, despite our up-bringing. It is our choice to listen. But I know I have sometimes had the attitude, "This is just how I am and God knows it!"
I often get lazy and let my kids get away with stuff for a while, telling them to do something, but not assuring they do it. But then I get mad when they don't listen when I do get serious and I raise my voice for them to listen. I knew this wasn't the best parenting technique, but I never thought about how it could affect their relationship with God. The author, Chip Ingram, says, "Do you understand that obedience is God's channel of blessing?....If we don't teach our children to obey, we're setting them up to miss out on God's blessings. We're denying them the training they will one day need to hear God's still, small voice and act on it. When God whispers, 'This relationship is bad for you' or 'Don't get in the car with those guys', they'll keep running...They won't really believe the voice is serious...If a child can't learn to obey a parent who is visible, he'll never learn to obey a God who isn't."
This little blurb about this book doesn't quite do the book justice, but it has definitely made me change my parenting this week. I know nothing I do can guarantee that my kids will follow God's direction, but I definitely want to know that I have tried my hardest to teach them the best way I can.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's MERCY, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God
I am reading a book called "Effective Parenting in a Defective World" by Chip Ingram. It is a very good book and I highly recommend it. His main point is that we raise our kids to be happy and successful and to avoid the things that are bad for them. Instead, we should be teaching them God's character and to love Jesus. He talks about teaching obedience and he points out that eventually you want your child to obey, not just out of obligation, but out of love and respect. Then I was reading Romans later that same day and I came across the verse above and the word mercy jumped off the page at me. The word mercy doesn't seem like it is the best fit logically - unless you already know the nature of our relationship with God. It could have said, "In view of God's commands..." or "In view of God's power..." or "In view of God's authority...". But it doesn't. It says, "In view of God's MERCY...". So, to put it in my own words, Paul is saying, "God is not making us become living sacrifices. He already has offered us more than we could hope for by giving us his mercy. So, come on, give God everything because he loves you." It is similar to the way I hope our children will obey one day - not because they are afraid of us or not because we tell them to, but because they love us and respect us. I had a friend in high school who, in my eyes, had an ideal mother. My friend often treated her mother terribly. She was often lying and disobeying her. It sometimes would make me angry with her. I would tell her all the time how lucky she was to have a mother who cared for her so much. She just saw her mother as getting in the way of what she wanted to do. She never listened to her mother and it was a running joke with her that if she really wanted to do anything, she had to ask at least 4 times because the first three times she would always get a "no". When she became an adult, she has had trouble with being under restrictions or authority. It has had some serious impact on her life, like job and marital problems. I used to tell her that she didn't know how lucky she was to have the mother she did and that she should obey her more. She would agree that she had a great mother, but then she would justify her disobedience with saying, "That is just how I am and my mother knows it!". I never really thought that because she never learned to adhere to authority as a child, it has caused unfaithfulness in her relationship with God, but after reading this book, I think it does. Of course, we all make our own decisions and we each have the Holy Spirit speaking into our hearts, despite our up-bringing. It is our choice to listen. But I know I have sometimes had the attitude, "This is just how I am and God knows it!"
I often get lazy and let my kids get away with stuff for a while, telling them to do something, but not assuring they do it. But then I get mad when they don't listen when I do get serious and I raise my voice for them to listen. I knew this wasn't the best parenting technique, but I never thought about how it could affect their relationship with God. The author, Chip Ingram, says, "Do you understand that obedience is God's channel of blessing?....If we don't teach our children to obey, we're setting them up to miss out on God's blessings. We're denying them the training they will one day need to hear God's still, small voice and act on it. When God whispers, 'This relationship is bad for you' or 'Don't get in the car with those guys', they'll keep running...They won't really believe the voice is serious...If a child can't learn to obey a parent who is visible, he'll never learn to obey a God who isn't."
This little blurb about this book doesn't quite do the book justice, but it has definitely made me change my parenting this week. I know nothing I do can guarantee that my kids will follow God's direction, but I definitely want to know that I have tried my hardest to teach them the best way I can.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Friday=Day of Rest
I had plans yesterday of getting up, hitting the gym, working all day on projects around the house, etc. I even toyed briefly with the idea of going shopping to get a deal on the kids' Christmas gifts, but after working at the mall for 4 Christmases, I know that shopping today would be a humbug for me. I also thought about putting the Christmas decorations up (which is usually our tradition to do this weekend). But in the end, I have done pretty much nothing all day and it feels great! I couldn't do this every day, nor would I want to, but every now and then, it is just nice to just be unproductive. So far today I have: checked my e-mail, facebook, and blogs; served bagels for breakfast; watched a movie alone while my kids in the basement (which I never do, especially on a weekday); played a video game with Josh; had a nerf gun battle with the kids; ate leftovers; watched "Cars" with the kids; napped with Bella on the couch after she fell asleep when "Cars" ended; napped by myself after she woke up and went off to play with Elias; and now I am typing this. I have thought briefly about all that I should be doing, but I feel like it is a little late in the day to start now. I know that tomorrow will be more hectic because I didn't get anything accomplished today, but I know God knew what he was talking about when he taught us that we need a day of rest. For a long time, Josh and I have tried diligently to make Sundays a day of rest - not to do extra work that day, to spend time as a family, to review with the kids and ourselves what we learned in church that morning. But I have to admit that since Elias started school last year, it just hasn't been the same for me. Sunday is just before Monday and Monday has became "Just another manac Monday". On Sunday, I am getting into "general mode", making my strategic plans for the week in my head and on paper. I have to make sure clothes are laid out, lunch is packed, homework is done, etc. Josh is also beginning to think about his week of work. It really has taken much out of our day of rest. It is not surprising that resting is more of a mental exercise than a physical one. Doesn't it all lead back to our hearts and minds? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." There is a song that I used to listen to in the mornings at work to sort of bring me peace before the start of busy days. Now, it pops into my mind whenever I feel that my mind needs a little rest. It sort of like a back and forth conversation between God and a man who is struggling with having rest of mind.
Rest Easy by Audio Adrenaline
One more mile 'til I lay rest
I have put myself through this rigid test
But the mile has never ended no distance has been gained
I do not see greatness I wanted to obtain
Where is my embrace from the race that I have run?
I have kept a steady pace but still I have not won
[CHORUS]
Rest easy
have no fear
I love you perfectly
love drives out fear
I'll take your burden
you take My grace
Rest easy
in My embrace
I am such a sinner I fear my evil ways
I fear my imperfection I fear my final days
I just want to take control and snap this rusty chain
drop my heavy burden it seems to be in vain
[REPEAT CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
I am not a bold man even though I want to be
I am just a dreamer with a timid history
Scared of confrontations I fume all through the night
the world has it's hold on me and I just want to fly
The sky, the sky is open wide
but I can't fly 'til I step aside
[CHORUS II]
Rest easy
have no fear
I love you perfectly
and perfect love drives out fear
I'll take your burden
you take My grace
Rest easy
in My embrace
Rest easy, rest easy
rest easy, in My embrace
Rest easy
Rest Easy by Audio Adrenaline
One more mile 'til I lay rest
I have put myself through this rigid test
But the mile has never ended no distance has been gained
I do not see greatness I wanted to obtain
Where is my embrace from the race that I have run?
I have kept a steady pace but still I have not won
[CHORUS]
Rest easy
have no fear
I love you perfectly
love drives out fear
I'll take your burden
you take My grace
Rest easy
in My embrace
I am such a sinner I fear my evil ways
I fear my imperfection I fear my final days
I just want to take control and snap this rusty chain
drop my heavy burden it seems to be in vain
[REPEAT CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
I am not a bold man even though I want to be
I am just a dreamer with a timid history
Scared of confrontations I fume all through the night
the world has it's hold on me and I just want to fly
The sky, the sky is open wide
but I can't fly 'til I step aside
[CHORUS II]
Rest easy
have no fear
I love you perfectly
and perfect love drives out fear
I'll take your burden
you take My grace
Rest easy
in My embrace
Rest easy, rest easy
rest easy, in My embrace
Rest easy
Friday, November 20, 2009
Lessons I learn while teaching my children
This morning Elias and Bella were getting in a drawer and messing with the stapler and note paper and envelopes. I asked them to leave them alone and to go play. Elias kept pulling paper and assorted sized envelopes out of the drawer and saying, "Can I staple this one?". Finally, I told him, "Why do you focus on the one thing you can't do, instead of going and doing all the things you can do?".
That simple statement to him reiterated something I had just been reading in Romans 8. Lately, I have been really struggling with my eating. I am a food addict and find with this I am often battling, sometimes hardly at all and other times to the point of frustration. I know that my battle isn't about will power or calories or healthy food verses junk food - to summarize Romans 8, it is about the battle that is within me to gratify my human nature and not what the Spirit of God within me instructs. In essence, I focus on the one thing I want, but don't really need, instead of all the things that I can have and God wants for me. When in college, I lost a lot of weight, but gained a Godly perspective on how gluttony really does damage my relationship with God and others. But, oh, I so often forget...or chose to ignore...the truths I already know. And the sin of indulging in what the body wants, instead of what the body needs is like gravity. The more I indulge, the more I get pulled in by the enticement and its control. The more I take my focus off of it and deny my human desires when it comes to food, the less control it has over me. I know my battle is not against the food, but in my desire to have control...Just like my battle with Elias wasn't simply over using the stapler, but who was going to gain control in the situation and get what they wanted.
That simple statement to him reiterated something I had just been reading in Romans 8. Lately, I have been really struggling with my eating. I am a food addict and find with this I am often battling, sometimes hardly at all and other times to the point of frustration. I know that my battle isn't about will power or calories or healthy food verses junk food - to summarize Romans 8, it is about the battle that is within me to gratify my human nature and not what the Spirit of God within me instructs. In essence, I focus on the one thing I want, but don't really need, instead of all the things that I can have and God wants for me. When in college, I lost a lot of weight, but gained a Godly perspective on how gluttony really does damage my relationship with God and others. But, oh, I so often forget...or chose to ignore...the truths I already know. And the sin of indulging in what the body wants, instead of what the body needs is like gravity. The more I indulge, the more I get pulled in by the enticement and its control. The more I take my focus off of it and deny my human desires when it comes to food, the less control it has over me. I know my battle is not against the food, but in my desire to have control...Just like my battle with Elias wasn't simply over using the stapler, but who was going to gain control in the situation and get what they wanted.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It's my life and I can cry if I want to...
If you know me well, you know that I cry easy. It doesn't take much to get the water works going. I hate this about myself. I have tried about every tactic to stem the flow of tears that seem to bubble up into my throat and then spring from my eyes. I often wonder if people think that I am emotionally unstable at times because the simpliest things can make me weep. I get so frustrated with myself, but it is just something I can't really control that well. Sometimes I wonder if I allow myself to feel too deeply. But now, I have come to realize that Elias is a lot like me and sometimes it kills me to know that he will have to deal with overflowing emotions - especially since that is even more undesirable for a man.
We will be saying goodbye to some friends tomorrow night who are moving away and Elias has been very emotional the past few days. It feels selfish of me to be sad or feel sorry for Elias missing our friends, when they will be the ones experiencing the greater transition, but it does make my heart sad to see him trying hard to work through these feelings. Even now, I feel teary-eyed thinking about them. I feel like thinking, "It isn't fair that they are leaving.", but that is not only selfish, that is crazy.
Again, Sara Groves has the perfect song...(I am sorry for the continual Sara Groves references, but I seriously feels like her songs explain my life.)
A Lot Like Me by Sara Groves
Baby, I'm afraid you're a lot like me
You can't help feeling everything
I can see you trying to hold it in
I see your eyes and your trembling chin
And for you and myself I will pray
Let our weakness become our strength
Baby, there are some holes you just can't fill
You try and try, but you never will
Baby, I believe a God who can
He loves the boy and he'll love the man
And for you and myself I will pray
Let our weakness become our strength
We will be saying goodbye to some friends tomorrow night who are moving away and Elias has been very emotional the past few days. It feels selfish of me to be sad or feel sorry for Elias missing our friends, when they will be the ones experiencing the greater transition, but it does make my heart sad to see him trying hard to work through these feelings. Even now, I feel teary-eyed thinking about them. I feel like thinking, "It isn't fair that they are leaving.", but that is not only selfish, that is crazy.
Again, Sara Groves has the perfect song...(I am sorry for the continual Sara Groves references, but I seriously feels like her songs explain my life.)
A Lot Like Me by Sara Groves
Baby, I'm afraid you're a lot like me
You can't help feeling everything
I can see you trying to hold it in
I see your eyes and your trembling chin
And for you and myself I will pray
Let our weakness become our strength
Baby, there are some holes you just can't fill
You try and try, but you never will
Baby, I believe a God who can
He loves the boy and he'll love the man
And for you and myself I will pray
Let our weakness become our strength
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Busy weekend
It was a very busy, but very productive weekend. The only problem is, now I feel like I need a weekend to rest from the busyness. My kids are still not all the way in bed and it is after 9 p.m.. They have been "going to bed" for about 30 minutes now. That's what happens when they take 2 hour naps! It is also what happens when mommy goofs around and doesn't strategically plan for bedtime. I often feel like I am a general and I am either preparing for battle or in the midst of it. If I don't prepare well, then the entire operation is in jeopardy! And then there is also the inevitable last minute potty emergency or the unexpected spill that can throw a wrench into all my well-laid plans! And, unfortunately, I can get easily irritated when things go against my plans. This is something I have battled for as long as I remember. I wish I could "roll with the flow" more. Of course, there are days and times when I am able to smile in the midst of chaos, but most of the time it creates chaos inside me as well. I look at people who seem to never get rattled or need order to function and I wonder why I can't seem to grasp that secret. My brain is always organizing, always categorizing, always calculating how to best fit the awkward pieces of life into a neat puzzle.
This weekend, we cleaned up the landscaping in front of the house, painted the front porch and the french doors in the living room. We had to go to a birthday party last night at 6 and I was literally finishing the last coat on the doors at 5:40! I felt like I was on an HGTV show. It felt so good to scratch those huge tasks off my "to do" list. I enjoy marking things off that list so much - especially when they have been on there for a while, as painting projects normally are. Josh was a trooper. He was willing to work all day and, against his better judgment, tackle two painting projects in one day because he knew how important it was for me to have the projects done. I appreciate him so much and I could never have had a better partner in life than him.
Now I have to go and do my strategic planning for this coming week.
This weekend, we cleaned up the landscaping in front of the house, painted the front porch and the french doors in the living room. We had to go to a birthday party last night at 6 and I was literally finishing the last coat on the doors at 5:40! I felt like I was on an HGTV show. It felt so good to scratch those huge tasks off my "to do" list. I enjoy marking things off that list so much - especially when they have been on there for a while, as painting projects normally are. Josh was a trooper. He was willing to work all day and, against his better judgment, tackle two painting projects in one day because he knew how important it was for me to have the projects done. I appreciate him so much and I could never have had a better partner in life than him.
Now I have to go and do my strategic planning for this coming week.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
It's Veteran's Day - but here comes Christmas!
Elias is off school today for Veteran's Day (Thank you sincerely to any veterans or military, or family members of military who may be reading this blog.). It is so nice to be able to move a little slower and not have a stringent schedule to manage. The kids are now napping and I can relax without having to keep my eye on the clock. Normally, I have to wake Bella up to get Elias off the bus by 3:30. We had a play date with one of Elias' former preschool classmates, who has a sister who is a little younger than Bella, and the kids had a great time. I enjoyed it too, because this classmates' mother and I had formed a friendship last year and we haven't been able to keep in touch since school ended last Spring. I am looking forward to the Thanksgiving break - though I am sure I will be ready to send Elias off to school again by the end of it! Elias and Bella were playing so well together this morning. There was hardly a bicker between the two of them before their friends arrived. I know by Friday of the Thanksgiving break I will have had plenty of time to referee! This school year is moving along so quickly and Christmas will be here before we know it.
I am normally resistant to starting some Christmas traditions too early, but I love Christmas music and think it is a shame that we sequester some songs to only Christmas time. Many are about the foundations of our faith, not just a day on the calendar. One of my favorites is "Mary's song" - or probably better known as "Breath of Heaven". It is a beautiful song written from Mary's point of view that really reminds me deeply that Mary was an actual girl, with real emotions and a real life, not just a character in a story. So, I have filled my ipod with Christmas music and I am looking forward to getting on the treadmill more, since I know I have the music there waiting for me. I also love Christmas movies. My favorite is the Christmas Carol, but I also enjoy Bing Crosby's White Christmas and the 1990's version of Miracle on 34th Street and several others. Then there are all the cartoons. I used to love "Flintstone's Christmas Carol", but, sadly, it was on VHS, so we can no longer watch it. Most people never knew it even existed, but it is a classic indeed! Josh does not share my love for Christmas movies or music, but he is always more interested in putting up decorations than I am. It is probably odd that I am hesitant to get the decorations out, being the female in the house and probably more naturally inclined to decorate - I just know whatever goes up, must come down. And I am always the first to say that it is time for everything to come down and then it is time for Josh to be hesitant. This year, I really want to practice advent in our home. We have talked about doing it for several years, but now I think the kids are old enough to be able to participate in it, so I think this is the year. I just don't want all the American traditions of Christmas to suffocate the reason we celebrate in the first place. I want it to be a time set apart for reflection and appreciation to God, not a time spent in a blur of activity and indulgence. It is so easy to get pulled into the chaos. That reminds me again of "Mary's Song", about letting God "hold me together" and "lighten my darkness."
Breath Of Heaven
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I’ve done
Holy Father you have come
And chosen me now, to carry your son.
I am waiting, in a silent prayer
I am frightened, by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy,
Breath of Heaven.
Do you wonder when you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong, help me be strong,
Help me be strong, help me.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy.
Breath of Heaven,
I am normally resistant to starting some Christmas traditions too early, but I love Christmas music and think it is a shame that we sequester some songs to only Christmas time. Many are about the foundations of our faith, not just a day on the calendar. One of my favorites is "Mary's song" - or probably better known as "Breath of Heaven". It is a beautiful song written from Mary's point of view that really reminds me deeply that Mary was an actual girl, with real emotions and a real life, not just a character in a story. So, I have filled my ipod with Christmas music and I am looking forward to getting on the treadmill more, since I know I have the music there waiting for me. I also love Christmas movies. My favorite is the Christmas Carol, but I also enjoy Bing Crosby's White Christmas and the 1990's version of Miracle on 34th Street and several others. Then there are all the cartoons. I used to love "Flintstone's Christmas Carol", but, sadly, it was on VHS, so we can no longer watch it. Most people never knew it even existed, but it is a classic indeed! Josh does not share my love for Christmas movies or music, but he is always more interested in putting up decorations than I am. It is probably odd that I am hesitant to get the decorations out, being the female in the house and probably more naturally inclined to decorate - I just know whatever goes up, must come down. And I am always the first to say that it is time for everything to come down and then it is time for Josh to be hesitant. This year, I really want to practice advent in our home. We have talked about doing it for several years, but now I think the kids are old enough to be able to participate in it, so I think this is the year. I just don't want all the American traditions of Christmas to suffocate the reason we celebrate in the first place. I want it to be a time set apart for reflection and appreciation to God, not a time spent in a blur of activity and indulgence. It is so easy to get pulled into the chaos. That reminds me again of "Mary's Song", about letting God "hold me together" and "lighten my darkness."
Breath Of Heaven
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I’ve done
Holy Father you have come
And chosen me now, to carry your son.
I am waiting, in a silent prayer
I am frightened, by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy,
Breath of Heaven.
Do you wonder when you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong, help me be strong,
Help me be strong, help me.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy.
Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy.
Breath of Heaven,
Saturday, November 7, 2009
How could they do this to me?
I just found out today that Twinings has discontinued my favorite tea! I am completely bummed. I still have 4 boxes (because I ordered it by cases of 8 straight from the company or amazon, because local stores didn't carry it), so I will be using them very sparingly. I think it is just a bit ironic that I had just included my love for that tea in my blog and then they discontinued it!
On another note, Elias came home from school Friday a happy camper. He still misses Camden, but he's going to be okay. And a new boy named Brandon moved into his class. I figure he is from the area and was on a waiting list to get in and when Camden left, it created an opening for him. He also had a great play date with two of his preschool friends today, so he is back to his old self again.
On another note, Elias came home from school Friday a happy camper. He still misses Camden, but he's going to be okay. And a new boy named Brandon moved into his class. I figure he is from the area and was on a waiting list to get in and when Camden left, it created an opening for him. He also had a great play date with two of his preschool friends today, so he is back to his old self again.
Friday, November 6, 2009
First School Crisis
Yesterday when Elias came home from school he told me that his classmate Camden, who he had been playing and interacting with the most at school, was moving to Whitehall. We didn't talk too long about it, except for praying for Camden to have an easy adjustment at the dinner table. Then when Elias prepared to go to bed, he began to sob and then bawl. At first, we had no idea what was wrong with him because we couldn't understand what he was saying. Then finally we were able to piece it together. He was sad that Camden was leaving and he was afraid that he wouldn't have anyone to play with at recess because the two of them always played together and everyone else already had other friends. He also said that his only other best friend was Nicky, who was his preschool classmate, and that "a little piece of his heart still misses him too.". Josh and I just held him and let him cry. I have to admit I shed a few tears too. Not just because he was so sad, but because I know that this is just the start of a lifetime of similar hurts - friends leaving, wondering where you fit in with others, etc. When he got up this morning, he seemed fine, but I am really looking forward to picking him up from the bus stop today. Part of my mommy instinct just wants to go to the school during recess to make sure that other kids play with him, but I know that would be crazy. I even had a fleeting thought about going and picking him up from school at lunch time and taking him out to lunch and keeping him out until after recess is over - since recess is directly after lunch. But I realized quickly that I can't shield him from everything and that taking him to lunch today wouldn't help the problem long-term. And even if I would take him out every day at lunch and recess time, I would just be handicapping him from learning to cope. I know that I have had a lot of hurt in my life, but if I wouldn't have had the hurt, I would be a very different person today, and I don't really think it would be for the better. What really surprised me was that Elias felt anxiety about not fitting in completely with all his classmates. Before this point, he seemed pretty self-assured and immune to thoughts of fitting in to groups. Of course, I always knew that there would come a point when he started becoming effected by social norms and relationship issues, I just didn't think it would come this soon. I think that he will be okay and that after a few days he will realize that other kids will take Camden's place, but I feel so sad for the future relational problems that will hit harder and hurt deeper.
It was a very sad evening last night, for this and many other reasons I won't discuss here. But I woke up this morning and the sun was shining and Elias and Bella were laughing and playing together and Josh smiled at me as he prepared for work and I realized again that God's mercies are new every morning. No matter what hurt lies around the bend, God is always faithful to heal and restore. I was reading in "Crazy Love" this morning about people who made ministries out of heartache. There was a boy from Tanzania whose mother tried to abort him late in pregnancy by taking the "Morning after pill". She went into premature labor and he was born very small. But in the end, this ended up saving his life because his mother had AIDS and since there was no bleeding caused by his birth, the virus was not transmitted to him. What an amazing testimony of how something that was meant for evil was used for good! I can think of so many instances of things like this in my own life and I hope I will allow God to help me use those things to make me become better, not bitter.
We Live by Superchick
It was a very sad evening last night, for this and many other reasons I won't discuss here. But I woke up this morning and the sun was shining and Elias and Bella were laughing and playing together and Josh smiled at me as he prepared for work and I realized again that God's mercies are new every morning. No matter what hurt lies around the bend, God is always faithful to heal and restore. I was reading in "Crazy Love" this morning about people who made ministries out of heartache. There was a boy from Tanzania whose mother tried to abort him late in pregnancy by taking the "Morning after pill". She went into premature labor and he was born very small. But in the end, this ended up saving his life because his mother had AIDS and since there was no bleeding caused by his birth, the virus was not transmitted to him. What an amazing testimony of how something that was meant for evil was used for good! I can think of so many instances of things like this in my own life and I hope I will allow God to help me use those things to make me become better, not bitter.
We Live by Superchick
There's a cross on the side of the road Where a mother lost a son How could she know that the morning he left Would be their last time; she'd trade with him for a little more time So she could say she loved him one more time And hold him tight But with life we never know When we're coming up to the end of the road So what do we do then With tragedy around the bend? Chorus: We live we love We forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above Today we remember to live and to love We live we love We forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above Today we remember to live and to love There is a man who waits for the tests To see if the cancer has spread yet And now he asks, "So why did I wait to live till it was time to die?" If I could have the time back how I'd live Life is such a gift So how does the story end? Well this is your story and it all depends So don't let it become true Get out and do what we are meant to do Chorus Waking up to another dark morning People are mourning The weather in life outside is storming But what would it take for the clouds to break For us to realize each day is a gift somehow, someway So get our heads up out of the darkness And spark this new mindset and start to live life cuz it ain't gone yet And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders And wake up and live the life we're supposed to take up Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The little things
I was sitting having a cup of my favorite tea today and I was reflecting on how that cup of tea really makes me feel better - the warmth of the cup in my hand, the comfort of homey smell, the sweet earthiness of the teaspoon of honey I mix into it. It is something so small, but I savor it each time I have it and if I didn't, I would probably stop drinking it because then it would be just tea - something to put fluid into my body. But as I was sitting on my favorite chair with my favorite tea, I thought about last night and the struggle I had with another small thing. I had a hule of a popcorn kernel stuck in my gum inside the edge of a crown I have over one of my molars. When I flossed it, it just wedged it in further into the root and was so painful it throbbed and gave me a headache yesterday so bad that I had to take ibuprofen. I began to think I was going to have to go to the dentist to see if they could remove it, because it had been there since Saturday evening and nothing I did would remove it and I feared it would make my already compromised crowned tooth to become abscess. I told Josh that I think that Paul must have been referring to a popcorn kernel being wedged into his gum when he referred to the "thorn in his side"! So I began to pray that God would somehow help it to come out, either by divine intervention or by the dentist or a chisel - anything, just get it out! I know it might seem crazy to pray about something like this, but I do it all the time. So I went to bed and lay there feeling my heart beat in the root of this tooth and wondering how much the dentist would charge me and how much longer I could handle the pain. After about 20 minutes, I just felt this urge to go try yet again to remove this thing with floss - though I had tried multiple times before for 3-5 minutes at a time. As I was working the floss back and forth, the tiniest piece of something showed up on my tooth. It was probably about the size of the top of a stick pin. My gum was still sore, from all the poking and prodding, but the throbbing was gone. I could not believe that something so small could have put me in such agony for 2 days! But then thinking about this situation and my tea lead me to think about all the other small things that affect me, for better and worse, in my life. I realize all the time that the littlest things in my life have made the most impact.
Here are just a few little things, good and bad, that have had great impact on me in my life:
- One of the first memories I have is of my mom and dad kissing at the door when my dad would leave for work. I always knew when things were going well in my home when I saw that in the morning.
- The smell of Charlie perfume always makes me think of celebration times with my family, because that is the perfume my mother wore on special occasions.
- Another of my first memories is of my oldest sister having violent arguments with my parents and the day she put her fist through the wall of her room and came back out with bloody knuckles and the look on her face that said, "What have I just done and why am I doing this?" and I saw for just a minute the vulnerable side of her hardened heart. I just can't describe it, but it affected me deeply because I saw on her face how much it effected her.
- I had a teacher in the eighth grade cross all boundaries of teacher protocol when I was going through a time of depression and the school counselors were getting ready to refer me to a psychiatrist. I will never forget what he looked like when he said one morning in a very firm voice, "You don't need a psychiatrist. You need to get yourself into a church and let God deal with this." Less than 2 months later I was attending church regularly and it was the beginning of the best decisions of my life.
- Then when I was 25, I walked into that same teacher's classroom and told him how much that had meant to me for the very first time and we both stood crying as he told me he works every day to be a good teacher and witness, but often feels like it isn't enough, and that it was such a blessing to know that something he didn't even remember saying effected me so much.
- One of the first times I talked to Josh on the telephone, his mother came into his room to tell him goodnight. While I was still on the line, he gave her a hug and told her he loved her. It really meant the world to me that even though he liked me and we were not even dating yet, he didn't care about appearing weak or juvenile and not the "macho" man teenager boys were supposed to be.
- When I was pregnant with Elias and the doctors told us he was going to be slightly mentally handicapped and would need surgery immediately after birth (which obviously did not happen, Praise the Lord!). I rode home from the doctor's office so cold and numb. It was January, and when we arrived home, we found our front door standing wide open to our house and we had been gone about 10 hours that day. Apparently, the door didn't latch all the way and high winds had blown it open. We were very tight on money and gas for the furnace was high and we felt invaded upon to know that anyone could have come into our house throughout the day. I remember sitting on the stairs in our freezing apartment, my body so cold inside and outside and feeling like the cold and the loss of security I felt from the door being opened mirrored the cold and loss of security I felt in my heart.
- When Elias played soccer this past season, every time he scored a goal or made a field play, he would look over to Josh and I sitting on the sidelines. When he saw us watching, he would get a slight grin on his face and then go back to paying attention to the coach or referee. There was so much communicated in that simple look on both sides that even now it brings tears to my eyes. Not just because I love having these type of moments with my kids, but also for all the other kids who don't get these moments with their parents, either by the selfish choices of the parents or the unfortunate circumstances of life. I think all the time about what "moments" my kids will hold when they get older. What memories will hang like framed snapshots in their minds. I hope that we have a lifetime to develop them together. But even if we don't, I hope that everyday I am giving them new ones to tuck away in their ever developing minds, so if I am ever not here for them one day, they can reach in and still have a piece of me with them always.
There are so many of these moments and I know we all have them. I know that the little things are what makes up my life and that we are part of the make up of the little things in other's lives around us. I have been taking some new classes at the gym this week. One of the instructors kept telling us to focus on the movement, or the stretch, or the breath, etc. It is amazing how much more of an impact a movement or a stretch or a breath has on your body when you purposely pay attention to it. Try it and you will see. If we pay attention to the little things in life - the seemingly meaningless conversations in the car, the little gestures of kindness that other's show you, the cashier who is chattering as she checks you out at the grocery store, etc. - How much more impact could it have on us? How much more impact can we have on others?
From Small Piece of You by Sara Groves
I just want a small piece of you
a token to put in my pocket
and I will own that one thing
and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you
something to put in a locket
and i will look at it daily
and that will make me happy
Here are just a few little things, good and bad, that have had great impact on me in my life:
- One of the first memories I have is of my mom and dad kissing at the door when my dad would leave for work. I always knew when things were going well in my home when I saw that in the morning.
- The smell of Charlie perfume always makes me think of celebration times with my family, because that is the perfume my mother wore on special occasions.
- Another of my first memories is of my oldest sister having violent arguments with my parents and the day she put her fist through the wall of her room and came back out with bloody knuckles and the look on her face that said, "What have I just done and why am I doing this?" and I saw for just a minute the vulnerable side of her hardened heart. I just can't describe it, but it affected me deeply because I saw on her face how much it effected her.
- I had a teacher in the eighth grade cross all boundaries of teacher protocol when I was going through a time of depression and the school counselors were getting ready to refer me to a psychiatrist. I will never forget what he looked like when he said one morning in a very firm voice, "You don't need a psychiatrist. You need to get yourself into a church and let God deal with this." Less than 2 months later I was attending church regularly and it was the beginning of the best decisions of my life.
- Then when I was 25, I walked into that same teacher's classroom and told him how much that had meant to me for the very first time and we both stood crying as he told me he works every day to be a good teacher and witness, but often feels like it isn't enough, and that it was such a blessing to know that something he didn't even remember saying effected me so much.
- One of the first times I talked to Josh on the telephone, his mother came into his room to tell him goodnight. While I was still on the line, he gave her a hug and told her he loved her. It really meant the world to me that even though he liked me and we were not even dating yet, he didn't care about appearing weak or juvenile and not the "macho" man teenager boys were supposed to be.
- When I was pregnant with Elias and the doctors told us he was going to be slightly mentally handicapped and would need surgery immediately after birth (which obviously did not happen, Praise the Lord!). I rode home from the doctor's office so cold and numb. It was January, and when we arrived home, we found our front door standing wide open to our house and we had been gone about 10 hours that day. Apparently, the door didn't latch all the way and high winds had blown it open. We were very tight on money and gas for the furnace was high and we felt invaded upon to know that anyone could have come into our house throughout the day. I remember sitting on the stairs in our freezing apartment, my body so cold inside and outside and feeling like the cold and the loss of security I felt from the door being opened mirrored the cold and loss of security I felt in my heart.
- When Elias played soccer this past season, every time he scored a goal or made a field play, he would look over to Josh and I sitting on the sidelines. When he saw us watching, he would get a slight grin on his face and then go back to paying attention to the coach or referee. There was so much communicated in that simple look on both sides that even now it brings tears to my eyes. Not just because I love having these type of moments with my kids, but also for all the other kids who don't get these moments with their parents, either by the selfish choices of the parents or the unfortunate circumstances of life. I think all the time about what "moments" my kids will hold when they get older. What memories will hang like framed snapshots in their minds. I hope that we have a lifetime to develop them together. But even if we don't, I hope that everyday I am giving them new ones to tuck away in their ever developing minds, so if I am ever not here for them one day, they can reach in and still have a piece of me with them always.
There are so many of these moments and I know we all have them. I know that the little things are what makes up my life and that we are part of the make up of the little things in other's lives around us. I have been taking some new classes at the gym this week. One of the instructors kept telling us to focus on the movement, or the stretch, or the breath, etc. It is amazing how much more of an impact a movement or a stretch or a breath has on your body when you purposely pay attention to it. Try it and you will see. If we pay attention to the little things in life - the seemingly meaningless conversations in the car, the little gestures of kindness that other's show you, the cashier who is chattering as she checks you out at the grocery store, etc. - How much more impact could it have on us? How much more impact can we have on others?
From Small Piece of You by Sara Groves
I just want a small piece of you
a token to put in my pocket
and I will own that one thing
and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you
something to put in a locket
and i will look at it daily
and that will make me happy
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween - to be or not to be?
Last night we took the kids trick-or-treating and felt so overwhelmed by all the candy when they got home! We had probably about 6-8 pounds of candy - and that is not an exaggeration! Now that both Bella and Elias are in full trick-or-treater mode (meaning they are both able to walk and talk well, carry their bags, etc.), it is amazing how much more candy they collect. I looked at all this candy that we definitely don't need and felt saddened. I know it is silly, but I did. I thought about all the money that was spent on all those candy bars and sugar and costumes and decorations, etc. and how it could have went to some better purpose. Believe me, I like candy as much as the next person and I also believe that there is a time to celebrate and I love to watch my kids get excited about wearing their costumes and getting candy simply by going up to someone's door. But this year I was really bothered by the whole extravagance behind trick-or-treating and the message it sends to kids. I just think it feels like I am telling them they are entitled to be treated to food that is damaging to their bodies by strangers, when so many kids in the world don't have enough nutritious food, let alone treats. We tell them to stay away from strangers and evil, but we walk them up to the door of people they don't know, who sometimes are wearing scary costumes or have gory decorations. It just all seems so counter-productive.
And I am not even touching on the other part of the underlying Halloween question of whether it is okay to participate in a holiday that is a celebration of the darker side of humanity. A friend's post on facebook the other day said, "Just because I want to let my kids trick-or-treat doesn't mean I worship Satan." I chuckled when I read it, but it sure began an intense dialogue of comments. I have never had a problem with taking my kids trick-or-treating or giving out candy, because I always had very fond memories of it as a kid and I feel it increases a neighborhoods' sense of community. Carving pumpkins and having halloween parades and parties are fun and can be great family bonding times. But I know people who feel like it is best to separate completely from the holiday and its conflicting ideals. I always thought this was over the top, until Elias came home spouting off all the Halloween was "supposed" to be about, based on what he heard at school. According to him, Halloween is all about scary things like skeletons, ghosts, werewolves, witches, vampires, and stuff like that. He got very upset when we wouldn't let him carve his pumpkin this year with any of these images. Before now, we have always had complete control over what he knew and understood about Halloween. Now that all these new ideas have been introduced to him, we are now trying to figure out where to draw the line and how to explain the conflict of ideas to Elias. Is it okay to dress up for Halloween, as long as the costume doesn't have evil connotations? Should we have parties, as long as we call them "Harvest Celebrations"? Should we let them watch shows that have "good witches" in them and pass it off as too heavy for them to really understand right now or should we not allow any programs that make light of witches and wizards or the like? Then what about the Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia, which are supposed to be allegorical to the plight of good and evil in the world and of God's relationship with us, but definitely include good and bad magic in them? What about Disney's "Wizards of Waverly Place" (which I have to admit, I like watching myself)? I have wondered if people who really worship Satan look at trick-or-treating and cutsy costumes and parties the way Christians look at excessive gift buying, decorating, and partying at Christmas - something that just distracts from the true meaning or if they are just glad that people celebrate "their" holiday at all. Then that makes me wonder how much we should delve into the Americanized version of Christmas and how much it really reflects our celebration of Christ's birth or if it just gives us another reason to party, eat, and get stuff in the middle of the winter. I have found no definitive answers, but I am definitely searching for God's guidance. Many things seemed so much easier to answer before I had kids! School has definitely caused me to be a lot more proactive about my decision-making. Elias is learning a lot of new things and he is already weighing it against what he hears from home. If we aren't proactive now, later might be too late!
And I am not even touching on the other part of the underlying Halloween question of whether it is okay to participate in a holiday that is a celebration of the darker side of humanity. A friend's post on facebook the other day said, "Just because I want to let my kids trick-or-treat doesn't mean I worship Satan." I chuckled when I read it, but it sure began an intense dialogue of comments. I have never had a problem with taking my kids trick-or-treating or giving out candy, because I always had very fond memories of it as a kid and I feel it increases a neighborhoods' sense of community. Carving pumpkins and having halloween parades and parties are fun and can be great family bonding times. But I know people who feel like it is best to separate completely from the holiday and its conflicting ideals. I always thought this was over the top, until Elias came home spouting off all the Halloween was "supposed" to be about, based on what he heard at school. According to him, Halloween is all about scary things like skeletons, ghosts, werewolves, witches, vampires, and stuff like that. He got very upset when we wouldn't let him carve his pumpkin this year with any of these images. Before now, we have always had complete control over what he knew and understood about Halloween. Now that all these new ideas have been introduced to him, we are now trying to figure out where to draw the line and how to explain the conflict of ideas to Elias. Is it okay to dress up for Halloween, as long as the costume doesn't have evil connotations? Should we have parties, as long as we call them "Harvest Celebrations"? Should we let them watch shows that have "good witches" in them and pass it off as too heavy for them to really understand right now or should we not allow any programs that make light of witches and wizards or the like? Then what about the Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia, which are supposed to be allegorical to the plight of good and evil in the world and of God's relationship with us, but definitely include good and bad magic in them? What about Disney's "Wizards of Waverly Place" (which I have to admit, I like watching myself)? I have wondered if people who really worship Satan look at trick-or-treating and cutsy costumes and parties the way Christians look at excessive gift buying, decorating, and partying at Christmas - something that just distracts from the true meaning or if they are just glad that people celebrate "their" holiday at all. Then that makes me wonder how much we should delve into the Americanized version of Christmas and how much it really reflects our celebration of Christ's birth or if it just gives us another reason to party, eat, and get stuff in the middle of the winter. I have found no definitive answers, but I am definitely searching for God's guidance. Many things seemed so much easier to answer before I had kids! School has definitely caused me to be a lot more proactive about my decision-making. Elias is learning a lot of new things and he is already weighing it against what he hears from home. If we aren't proactive now, later might be too late!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Speak no evil
Have you ever really wanted to just tell someone exactly what you were thinking, knowing that in the sort-term it would hurt them like crazy or make them really angry, but in the long run they would be way better off for it? I have had too many of these situations lately and I would like them to stop now! I feel like there are so many dicey circumstances that I am dealing with simultaneously. Sometimes I just wish I were a character in a movie in a scene where they blurt everything they are thinking and feeling at once and it all works out for them in the end. You know the ones I mean. Why can't this work in real life? I will tell you why - because our lives don't fit conveniently into a 2-hour dramatic package. And the reason we all love these scenes is because this is what we dream of doing and are too afraid to deal with the repercussions. Now, sometimes we have to check the motivation that drives us to tell someone what is on our minds. Most of the time when I am trying to weigh my actions or my motivations, I look to the fruit of the Spirit - "Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Humbleness, and Self-Control. Sure, we would love to tell our grandmother that she already explained her gallbladder surgery in graphic detail 2 times and we didn't really need to hear about it the first time, but would that be displaying the fruits of the Spirit? On the other hand, there are times when things really need to be said, and if they aren't said it could deteriorate a relationship further or a person could be caught in a bad situation or something similar. In those situations, sometimes I pray for God to release me and let someone else do the talking, for someone else to "open that wound", so to speak. But it doesn't always happen. Just recently I dealt with a situation where I was asked for advice and after praying about it, I felt compelled by God to tell this person a truth that hurt and angered her. I went from being called an angel to practically being told to stay of of her business within a couple days. I truly felt that I had been kicked in the teeth. I kept thinking, "Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut and not tell her the truth, even though she had asked for it?" But even if I cover up a hurtful truth, it is still there. It is like an infected wound. Sure, I can put a band-aid on it, but it will just fester underneath the bandage even more. I think it is interesting that in Romans 12:18 it does not simply say, "Live at peace with everyone." But it prefaces that statement with, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." I think that statement proves to me that we won't always have our "Happily ever after" in every situation. Sometimes it is just not possible, because it doesn't always depend on us and most of the time messy situations in real-life can't be solved in a 5-minute montage to tie up all the loose ends of the story. Life is full of loose ends, but it is also full of happy endings that sometimes take years to figure out. I find myself praying the "Prayer of Serenity" more and more as I get older. I just looked it up on the internet, so I could post it here and made a fantastic discovery. It has several more sentences that I never knew existed, but adds so much that it is unfortunate that it has fallen by the wayside, just because it won't fit nicely on a poster.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Love, love, love
I was driving by a restaurant today and I saw a very elderly couple walking into the building with arms around each other and pleasantly chatting to one another. It brought a smile to my face to see them. One thing I really appreciate about Josh and I being together since we were teenagers is that we share so many memories. I feel like there was hardly a time when Josh wasn't part of my life. I hope that Josh and I will be like that couple who are walking arm-in-arm and chatting intimately when we are old. When people who decide that they want to leave their spouse just because they get bored or no longer feel "in love" anymore are missing out on the wealth a lifelong relationship brings through the years. Sometimes people don't get the blessing of sharing their lifetime with the one they love. I don't ever want to take the days I have been given with Josh for granted.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
School Visits
I have volunteered to be a material aide to the kindergarten at Watson. I go in for about an hour every Tuesday and do paperwork Elias' teacher needs help with, like running copies or tearing out and organizing class worksheets. The best part of doing this is the smile I get from Elias every time I appear at his classroom door. He gets so excited to see me at his school. Even his classmates get excited and loudly whisper, "Hey, Elias, there's your mom." It makes sacrificing the hour worth it. Also, I am getting to know his teacher and others in the school and they are getting to know me. I think helping at the school is one of the best parts of being a stay-at-home mom. Bella does pretty well while I am working and the teachers always offer to let her play with toys and puzzles, etc. I purposely go during the kindergarten lunch and recess, so she is not interrupting instruction time if she talks. It has all worked out well. I know that when Elias and Bella get older, they may not enjoy seeing me pop in at their school, so I am soaking it in while it lasts.
I am so proud of Elias and how I see his character being tried already in school situations and him responding well. It is so tough to explain that not all kids want to do what is right and to be nice to one another. He has such a soft, just heart and I pray that he will be able to keep it as the harsh realities of life start bombarding him. His teacher told him he was one the quietest boys in class. If you know Elias, you will probably agree that quiet is not a normal trait for him, but when he is in class he obeys the rules. When I look at him growing and changing, I already see glimpses of the man he is becoming even today. Every day my kids are learning what it is to be an adult. I have to make sure I am the adult that I would want them to be and that I remember that God can work even through pain and trouble. Again this reminds me of a Sara Groves song.
as a mother I don't want my baby denied
but in the waiting in the waiting
I learned
Every instinct in me wants to shield him from pain
take the arrows of misery heartache and blame
but in the sorrow in the sorrow
I learned to hold on
I only have two eyes - be all seeing
I only have two hands - be everywhere
I do not know enough - to be all knowing
I give this baby up into your care
I do not know how, how to pray for this child
I want to guard her from everything wicked and wild
but in the trial in the trial
I learned to hold on
And in the trial, in the trial
I learned to hold on to the heart of God
I am so proud of Elias and how I see his character being tried already in school situations and him responding well. It is so tough to explain that not all kids want to do what is right and to be nice to one another. He has such a soft, just heart and I pray that he will be able to keep it as the harsh realities of life start bombarding him. His teacher told him he was one the quietest boys in class. If you know Elias, you will probably agree that quiet is not a normal trait for him, but when he is in class he obeys the rules. When I look at him growing and changing, I already see glimpses of the man he is becoming even today. Every day my kids are learning what it is to be an adult. I have to make sure I am the adult that I would want them to be and that I remember that God can work even through pain and trouble. Again this reminds me of a Sara Groves song.
From the Album Station Wagon
Prayers for This Child
by Sara Groves
I do not know how I am to pray for this childas a mother I don't want my baby denied
but in the waiting in the waiting
I learned
Every instinct in me wants to shield him from pain
take the arrows of misery heartache and blame
but in the sorrow in the sorrow
I learned to hold on
I only have two eyes - be all seeing
I only have two hands - be everywhere
I do not know enough - to be all knowing
I give this baby up into your care
I do not know how, how to pray for this child
I want to guard her from everything wicked and wild
but in the trial in the trial
I learned to hold on
And in the trial, in the trial
I learned to hold on to the heart of God
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sara Groves says it best...as usual
From the Album Station Wagon
I Can't Wait
When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes
Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
How to say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
Oh you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important (essential) things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of love and dreams
And all the most essential thing
And all that I have lost along the way
Cause I can't wait
Have I forgotten so soon?
I watched a friend's little girl today, while she took her older daughter on a field trip. Now this little girl is exactly on year younger than Bella and still in diapers. She and Bella were playing well and I was in the middle of baking a snack for small group tonight and cleaning up the kitchen. About an hour after lunch time, I realized that Mikayla had been at my house for about 3 hours and I had not even thought about checking her diaper. She was soaked. I have gotten so used to Bella going to the potty or telling me that she has to go, I forgot what it was like when she wasn't at that stage yet. I looked at my tall, long-legged talkative girl and realized how much one year changes a child. Bella is already too tall for many 4T pants and now I have to buy her size 4. Gone are the days when my kids were squishy and round. Now they are long and bony and too busy to be cuddled much. I never thought I would forget distinct aspects of what having a baby in the house is really like, but already my mind has shifted to other developmental milestones and activities - things I knew would come and even looked forward to, but I never realized how much of the past would fall away. I was putting clothes in Elias' dresser the other day and the shirts were so tight, I had to practically stuff them in. I was reminded of when I put his baby clothes in there when he was first born and how tiny they were inside that big drawer. And one day, I will probably be folding clothes for him that are bigger than my own.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Worry and Stress
This week, the study we are doing in our small group talked about how worry and stress are a sign of arrogance. Worry says we don't trust God to handle what is going on in our lives and stress says that the things we are dealing with are exceptional and gives us a right to act sinfully against others and God. This is an extremely summarized version and if you want to read the entire chapter, I highly recommend picking up a copy of "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.
So this week, I have been trying to tone down my Type A personality and "go with the flow" more. I have been working to handle my feelings of panic in the moment, not after I have had a few hours to work through them. The other morning, I went downstairs to find puddles of water surrounding our furnace and water heater. My initial thoughts were to call Josh down and rant and rave about how we couldn't afford another unexpected expense and the time that it would take to fix any problem found. I was already reciting all of my complaining in my head. But then I quickly made myself think it through realistically. No matter what the problem was, it would be fixed in a few days, regardless of the expense, because we had to have heat in the house. And if it was a necessity, God would provide if we were being good stewards of our finances. I thought about all the times I had gotten worked up in the past and ruined my day and everyone's around me and it all worked out, without the help of my worry and stress. And, it could be something simple anyway and then I would feel really dumb making such a big deal about it....which is exactly what it turned out to be. One of the kids had simply knocked the exhaust pipe from the AC off. So it took about 1 minute and no money to fix.
Now, since we are involved in the youth ministry at our church, we have situations that sometimes don't have black and white answers and sometimes my heart aches over things that I can't control. I think these worries and stresses are the hardest to overcome. Because like Francis Chan says in the book, I sort of feel justified with these worries and stresses because they are for the cause of Christ. But I have to go back to the fact that God is in charge and I am only a servant. I cannot make others do what they don't want to or see things in ways that they won't. I am only a vessel and I only need to be following what God tells me to do or say, regardless of the outcome. It is hard to give up the need to have power over important matters like these. I feel like if I worry about them and stress about them than I am doing my job as a youth leader better. But really I am not. I am letting circumstances beyond my control sap my energy, my focus, and my attitude. I am become tunnel-visioned on the problems and not on the solution - which is God's power in their lives. I can do nothing but pray that God's power would transform them or their circumstance. I saw an excellent message by Charles Stanley on t.v. a couple weeks ago and it has completely changed the way I pray for things. He said that the prayer from Colossians 1:9-14 is a prayer that we can pray for anyone in any circumstance. It focuses on what the person really needs, not what we think the answer to their problems are. I encourage you to go read through the verses and begin praying that prayer for those you love. He said we often don't pray fervently for those we love until they are already hurting or in trouble. He said this is a prayer we should be praying everyday for those in our lives. I agree wholeheartedly, but so often need to be reminded of this.
When I think of worry, I always think of a quote from Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian who, with her family, was put in a concentration camp for housing Jews and was the only one to survive. She knew a lot about suffering and heart ache, but she allowed it to mold her, not break her.
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
I don't want to limit my potential by worrying and stressing over things beyond my control. I don't need to buy into the stress mentality of our culture, even if it feels like I am not caring enough if I don't.
So this week, I have been trying to tone down my Type A personality and "go with the flow" more. I have been working to handle my feelings of panic in the moment, not after I have had a few hours to work through them. The other morning, I went downstairs to find puddles of water surrounding our furnace and water heater. My initial thoughts were to call Josh down and rant and rave about how we couldn't afford another unexpected expense and the time that it would take to fix any problem found. I was already reciting all of my complaining in my head. But then I quickly made myself think it through realistically. No matter what the problem was, it would be fixed in a few days, regardless of the expense, because we had to have heat in the house. And if it was a necessity, God would provide if we were being good stewards of our finances. I thought about all the times I had gotten worked up in the past and ruined my day and everyone's around me and it all worked out, without the help of my worry and stress. And, it could be something simple anyway and then I would feel really dumb making such a big deal about it....which is exactly what it turned out to be. One of the kids had simply knocked the exhaust pipe from the AC off. So it took about 1 minute and no money to fix.
Now, since we are involved in the youth ministry at our church, we have situations that sometimes don't have black and white answers and sometimes my heart aches over things that I can't control. I think these worries and stresses are the hardest to overcome. Because like Francis Chan says in the book, I sort of feel justified with these worries and stresses because they are for the cause of Christ. But I have to go back to the fact that God is in charge and I am only a servant. I cannot make others do what they don't want to or see things in ways that they won't. I am only a vessel and I only need to be following what God tells me to do or say, regardless of the outcome. It is hard to give up the need to have power over important matters like these. I feel like if I worry about them and stress about them than I am doing my job as a youth leader better. But really I am not. I am letting circumstances beyond my control sap my energy, my focus, and my attitude. I am become tunnel-visioned on the problems and not on the solution - which is God's power in their lives. I can do nothing but pray that God's power would transform them or their circumstance. I saw an excellent message by Charles Stanley on t.v. a couple weeks ago and it has completely changed the way I pray for things. He said that the prayer from Colossians 1:9-14 is a prayer that we can pray for anyone in any circumstance. It focuses on what the person really needs, not what we think the answer to their problems are. I encourage you to go read through the verses and begin praying that prayer for those you love. He said we often don't pray fervently for those we love until they are already hurting or in trouble. He said this is a prayer we should be praying everyday for those in our lives. I agree wholeheartedly, but so often need to be reminded of this.
When I think of worry, I always think of a quote from Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian who, with her family, was put in a concentration camp for housing Jews and was the only one to survive. She knew a lot about suffering and heart ache, but she allowed it to mold her, not break her.
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
I don't want to limit my potential by worrying and stressing over things beyond my control. I don't need to buy into the stress mentality of our culture, even if it feels like I am not caring enough if I don't.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Book Fair
Yesterday, I went to help at the book fair at Elias' school. Something I swore I wouldn't do because I didn't have the time & I didn't want to find a sitter for Bella. But when I was in the school office on Monday, the librarian said she didn't have anyone helping on Wednesday afternoon and that Bella would be more than welcome to come with me, so I caved and went anyway.
Last year when Elias was in pre-school, I couldn't wait to help at the book fair. I was so excited to help children develop their love to read at a young age the way I did. My parents were not big readers. An occasional magazine here and there, the Bible occasionally or a devotional. But I don't remember either of them sitting down with a book - fiction or non-fiction. But I don't remember a time when I didn't love books. I got more excited over books and going to the library as a child as I did going for ice cream. I loved the smell of books, the way they felt in my hands when I would hold them to read them, the way my teachers would hold their books to read from them, the sound of the pages turning...all of it. And the book fair was like the Super Bowl of books for me. I remember how excited I would get walking into the library to display after display of brightly-colored, shiny covered new books and the smell was something I will remember forever. The biggest reason I got so excited was that kids who were on the free lunch program were allowed to choose one book for free. These honestly were the only new books I think I ever owned as a child. Occasionally my parents would allow me to get used books at yard sales, but our budget was way too tight to buy books that could just as easily be borrowed from the library. I would search in wonderment through all the stories and pictures. Looking for just the right one to call my own. It was so difficult narrowing my choice down to one. It was almost painful for me to leave the "runners-up" behind. I would take care of my chosen books like they were a sacred treasure and analyze each picture and read the words over and over. To this day, thoughts of the book fair still warm my heart, as crazy as that sounds. I don't know where my love affair with books started, but I have purposely tried to instill the love of books and reading into my children. I started taking Elias to story time at the library when he was just a toddler and we have just as many or maybe even more books in our house than toys.
So back now to the Watson book fair. I loved helping out, despite my busyness and having to keep an eye on Bella at the same time. Bella did very well and I think it is good for her to see me helping out children other than her and Elias. There was this little girl there who reminded me of myself - not in looks, but in the way that she seemed so drawn to the books and literally was unable to make the "wish list" that she was supposed to make because she was just too busy looking at all the books. She kept asking how much this book or that book was or if there were any books for which she didn't need money. I could tell that she knew that if she had to have money for them, she would not be getting any books. I so wanted to tell her, "You just choose any book and I will get it for you." But then I realized that there were probably many, many other kids just like her who wanted to get a book just as badly and I couldn't buy all of them one. I am reminded of the quote that I have heard many times, "Do for one what you can't do for all." and I am considering calling the school to see if I can purchase a book for this little girl and maybe a few other kids. I don't know what the policies are or if it will be possible, but if I could give even just one or two children the excitement that I felt about the book fair, it would be worth it.
Last year when Elias was in pre-school, I couldn't wait to help at the book fair. I was so excited to help children develop their love to read at a young age the way I did. My parents were not big readers. An occasional magazine here and there, the Bible occasionally or a devotional. But I don't remember either of them sitting down with a book - fiction or non-fiction. But I don't remember a time when I didn't love books. I got more excited over books and going to the library as a child as I did going for ice cream. I loved the smell of books, the way they felt in my hands when I would hold them to read them, the way my teachers would hold their books to read from them, the sound of the pages turning...all of it. And the book fair was like the Super Bowl of books for me. I remember how excited I would get walking into the library to display after display of brightly-colored, shiny covered new books and the smell was something I will remember forever. The biggest reason I got so excited was that kids who were on the free lunch program were allowed to choose one book for free. These honestly were the only new books I think I ever owned as a child. Occasionally my parents would allow me to get used books at yard sales, but our budget was way too tight to buy books that could just as easily be borrowed from the library. I would search in wonderment through all the stories and pictures. Looking for just the right one to call my own. It was so difficult narrowing my choice down to one. It was almost painful for me to leave the "runners-up" behind. I would take care of my chosen books like they were a sacred treasure and analyze each picture and read the words over and over. To this day, thoughts of the book fair still warm my heart, as crazy as that sounds. I don't know where my love affair with books started, but I have purposely tried to instill the love of books and reading into my children. I started taking Elias to story time at the library when he was just a toddler and we have just as many or maybe even more books in our house than toys.
So back now to the Watson book fair. I loved helping out, despite my busyness and having to keep an eye on Bella at the same time. Bella did very well and I think it is good for her to see me helping out children other than her and Elias. There was this little girl there who reminded me of myself - not in looks, but in the way that she seemed so drawn to the books and literally was unable to make the "wish list" that she was supposed to make because she was just too busy looking at all the books. She kept asking how much this book or that book was or if there were any books for which she didn't need money. I could tell that she knew that if she had to have money for them, she would not be getting any books. I so wanted to tell her, "You just choose any book and I will get it for you." But then I realized that there were probably many, many other kids just like her who wanted to get a book just as badly and I couldn't buy all of them one. I am reminded of the quote that I have heard many times, "Do for one what you can't do for all." and I am considering calling the school to see if I can purchase a book for this little girl and maybe a few other kids. I don't know what the policies are or if it will be possible, but if I could give even just one or two children the excitement that I felt about the book fair, it would be worth it.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Calling the Tooth Fairy!
Elias has a tooth on the bottom that is just beginning to wiggle. You have to really watch to see it and get pretty close, since the movement is so slight. He is so excited that he might soon be among the snaggle-toothed older kids in his school. I feel like he can't possibly be old enough to be losing teeth already. When Bella went to bed tonight, she said, "What does the tooth fairy look like mommy? I don't want the tooth fairy to come here. I think she'll be scary looking." I had to convince her that even if the tooth fairy came, she wouldn't be coming into her room. And that it might be a while before she even comes to retrieve Elias tooth.
We had company tonight and I was showing them pictures and I was amazed at how small the kids looked when we first moved into this house two years ago today. I sometimes forget how much they have grown and changed, especially Bella.
The book we are reading for our small group study has really been reminding me not to stress over circumstances and to savor all that God gives you. Today, Bella and I went to Walmart and I allowed Bella to take a long time playing with the dolls and looking at the fish. I watched Bella look with amazement at the fish and I realized just how amazing those little creatures were. Some of them were spotted, some striped, some with frilly fins, some glowed. There was even some that were see through and all you could see were their skeletons and others that had lips - LIPS, I am not kidding. As I looked at them with her, it was like I had never realized how some of the smallest of God's creation show the unique beauty that God puts on all His work before. It made a trip to Walmart so much more enjoyable. (Note to those who may not know this about me - I DESPISE going to Walmart. I may post about this in the near future. I have been doing a little shopping experiment that has surprised even me.)
We had company tonight and I was showing them pictures and I was amazed at how small the kids looked when we first moved into this house two years ago today. I sometimes forget how much they have grown and changed, especially Bella.
The book we are reading for our small group study has really been reminding me not to stress over circumstances and to savor all that God gives you. Today, Bella and I went to Walmart and I allowed Bella to take a long time playing with the dolls and looking at the fish. I watched Bella look with amazement at the fish and I realized just how amazing those little creatures were. Some of them were spotted, some striped, some with frilly fins, some glowed. There was even some that were see through and all you could see were their skeletons and others that had lips - LIPS, I am not kidding. As I looked at them with her, it was like I had never realized how some of the smallest of God's creation show the unique beauty that God puts on all His work before. It made a trip to Walmart so much more enjoyable. (Note to those who may not know this about me - I DESPISE going to Walmart. I may post about this in the near future. I have been doing a little shopping experiment that has surprised even me.)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The Biggest Loser
I love the show "The Biggest Loser". It is the only show, outside of the Food Network, that I record so I will not miss a single episode.
On last night's episode, every player had to work together to lose a combined total of 150 pounds, so that no one had to be voted off. So instead of being enemies, they were all teammates and had to motivate each other. I think it was one of my favorite episodes! It was amazing to see how well everyone did when they were working for each other instead of against one another. They had a challenge where each player had to walk across a series of balance beams, which grew increasingly more narrow, to win prizes, like pound reductions of the required 150 pounds to lose and phone calls home. The catch was that not one person could fall off. If anyone did, the game was over. I don't think I have seen a challenge that was over water yet that at least one person did not fall in. I could not believe that all 15 of these very large people were able to make it across all the balance beams, the most narrow being only 6 inches wide, and not go under. Then, to top off the whole thing off, they ended up not needing the pound reduction anyway, because they ended up losing a combined total of 150 pounds anyway, despite week 2 of the competition being notorius for low weight loss numbers. I think it is amazing how much better we as humans function when we are working together toward a common goal, instead of clawing our way to the top to gain the glory. I am glad that the producers of this show recognized that maybe viewers wanted to see a little less back-biting and ugliness and a little more heart - especially after the last couple seasons when the evils of the competition had become more prevalent than ever. I wonder how we would all act, if we could watch ourselves in constant playback. If the things we said and the ways we treated people would be readily available for others to see, but for us to see as well. I know that I would think more carefully about how I chose to treat the worker who picks up the phone when I call the insurance toll-free line or I might not make such a huge deal about my kids spilling juice on the floor. If I saw myself from the outside, I may not always be able to use the same justifications I use to excuse my behavior because they would just seem pathetic, even to me.
On last night's episode, every player had to work together to lose a combined total of 150 pounds, so that no one had to be voted off. So instead of being enemies, they were all teammates and had to motivate each other. I think it was one of my favorite episodes! It was amazing to see how well everyone did when they were working for each other instead of against one another. They had a challenge where each player had to walk across a series of balance beams, which grew increasingly more narrow, to win prizes, like pound reductions of the required 150 pounds to lose and phone calls home. The catch was that not one person could fall off. If anyone did, the game was over. I don't think I have seen a challenge that was over water yet that at least one person did not fall in. I could not believe that all 15 of these very large people were able to make it across all the balance beams, the most narrow being only 6 inches wide, and not go under. Then, to top off the whole thing off, they ended up not needing the pound reduction anyway, because they ended up losing a combined total of 150 pounds anyway, despite week 2 of the competition being notorius for low weight loss numbers. I think it is amazing how much better we as humans function when we are working together toward a common goal, instead of clawing our way to the top to gain the glory. I am glad that the producers of this show recognized that maybe viewers wanted to see a little less back-biting and ugliness and a little more heart - especially after the last couple seasons when the evils of the competition had become more prevalent than ever. I wonder how we would all act, if we could watch ourselves in constant playback. If the things we said and the ways we treated people would be readily available for others to see, but for us to see as well. I know that I would think more carefully about how I chose to treat the worker who picks up the phone when I call the insurance toll-free line or I might not make such a huge deal about my kids spilling juice on the floor. If I saw myself from the outside, I may not always be able to use the same justifications I use to excuse my behavior because they would just seem pathetic, even to me.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Becoming a soccer mom
It is official! I might as well buy the soccer ball magnet for the back of my van. I am now a soccer mom. I sat in drizzly rain for over an hour watching my boy, with several other future soccer stars, run up and down a field and loved it. I have watched kids soccer before when my nieces and nephews have played, but I never realized how into it I would get when it was my own child out there. He did as well as the others did, but we are definitely going to fit in some more practice to hone his skills a little. He is so proud of his number 4 jersey and loved every minute of being part of the team.
On another note, there were 11 children sponsored last night at the concert. The concert was Aaron Shust and Chris Sleigh (the American Idol finalist) and two other lesser known artists. The music was enjoyable, but even better was getting to talk to others about Compassion. There are few things that energize me more. The best part was...wait for it....we got there early with no mishaps AND got home earlier than expected with nothing out of the ordinary happening! I could handle if things continued this way.
Now we are off again to Maryland for my uncle and aunt's anniversary party, which is outside. I really am hoping to see some sunshine! But if not, we will just wrap in rain coats and party anyway!
On another note, there were 11 children sponsored last night at the concert. The concert was Aaron Shust and Chris Sleigh (the American Idol finalist) and two other lesser known artists. The music was enjoyable, but even better was getting to talk to others about Compassion. There are few things that energize me more. The best part was...wait for it....we got there early with no mishaps AND got home earlier than expected with nothing out of the ordinary happening! I could handle if things continued this way.
Now we are off again to Maryland for my uncle and aunt's anniversary party, which is outside. I really am hoping to see some sunshine! But if not, we will just wrap in rain coats and party anyway!
Friday, September 11, 2009
One doozy of a week
You know the old adage "Time waits for no man"? I have definitely been reminded of the truth to that statement this week! It was supposed to be a week to get caught up, since Josh was off work on Monday & we had no small group Tuesday because of the holiday. I am not only not caught up, but I am even further behind! I have felt at my wit's end on more than one occasion, but when I look seriously at the situations they are really nothing that I should "lose my religion" over, as my dad used to say ; ) !!!!
It started with the ER visit on Tuesday. Then we had the ENT visit on Wednesday, which wouldn't have been that big of deal, but Elias was home sick with a cold, so Josh had to take time off of work to watch him. That is really difficult right now because he has been really overwhelmed at his job lately. Then we had to take Elias to practice soccer, not only because he had missed his soccer practice Monday because of the holiday, but because he was really disappointed that we didn't get to go on Tuesday night because of the ER visit. Then yesterday, we were having a social night for the youth small group we lead and Josh had to run out at lunch, between a day full of meetings to get the food and supplies. I stayed home and went loony watching two stir-crazy kids, caring for Bella's ear, keeping up with Elias' medications and breathing treatments, while trying to make desserts and clean up the house - and did I mention I had to pick up and help Elias with his make-up homework for school? The dessert making was one mishap after another - I forgot the peanut butter in the pudding, the chocolate topping solidified too soon while I went off to assist the kids with something, etc. Then I got a call from the sitter, who was sick and couldn't watch the kids during youth small group. Josh got home and we were down to the last minute trying to get something for dinner and get the games and food ready. In the end, the dessert tasted the same & the social night was still fun and the kids had a blast being part of it. After everyone left, Josh began working on stuff for work and I started going through my e-mail inbox, which was full of things that needed attention. After a while the internet stopped working. Josh worked for about 30 minutes trying to diagnose the problem with no avail, so he decided that he was too tired to do anymore work anyway and we would just go to bed. That is when he realized that he had Bible study at 6 a.m. this morning, he didn't have his homework for it done, and it was already midnight. So, as we got into bed at 1 a.m., he set his clock for 4:45 and I set mine for 6:45, because I was planning on sending Elias to school today. As I got the kids and myself ready this morning, Elias still had a lingering cough, so I decided that since he had already missed two days, it would defeat the purpose of keeping him home in the first place if I sent him back before he was completely well. So I decided that we would go out on the rails and trails, since Elias doesn't really feel bad & he's getting antsy. I was supposed to pick up Elias' soccer uniform from his coach today, so I called & told him we would stop over on our way out. We went into his coaches' office for all of 5 minutes & when we came out, the van wouldn't start! I was in my gym clothes, no make-up, my hair up in a wild ponytail on top of my head, not really planning on going many places where people would see me. So, I called Josh to see what I should do, since this was the second time it wouldn't start in about a month's time. We decided I would call roadside assistance, since we pay for it anyway and have never used it, we were in a safe place, in no hurry, on a nice day, and Josh couldn't really take more time off at work - if I had to test our roadside assistance plan, today would be the best day! He joked that I better get off the phone before my cell battery died as well. So I call roadside assistance and when I finally made it through all the automated system and was finally talking to someone, my cell phone turned off and then back on for no apparent reason - ending my call with roadside assistance. It was completely unbelievable. I had to laugh at the irony of it! Luckily, the roadside assistance had my number on Caller ID and called me right back. So we waited there for about 45 minutes for the tow truck to come. The kids entertaining themselves by using the van seats as a jungle gym. The man came, started the van, told me not to turn it off until I got a new battery, and left. So I told the kids to get into the car so we could leave. About that time, a yellow jacket decides he's going to take up residence in the van. Why he couldn't have decided to be an annoyance during the 45 minute wait, instead of waiting until we could actually have left, I do not know. So my kids are screaming and running around the van like they are getting attacked by a mob and I am trying to coax this stubborn little pest out of the van - going as far as trying to seduce him out by holding up the juice boxes we had brought for after we walked the trail. He finally flew out, I told the kids to jump in, but before the door shut all the way, that nuisance flew back in. I had finally had enough and I swatted at him, not caring anymore if I got stung. I actually hit him and knocked him...somewhere. Since I wasn't sure where he actually went, whether it was inside or outside the van, I was not sure if buckling my kids into the van, so they would be captive bait for him was wise. So we looked for him and sat and waited for about 2-3 minutes to assure he was gone and then we made our way to the auto parts store. To our great luck, they had the battery we needed and they could install it. By the time we left, we had to go to the bathroom and we were all hungry, so we had to come home for lunch before going to the trails. We have a busy weekend ahead of us too and I am praying that we have no more unexpected occurrences.
But as I was driving home from the auto parts store, I just had to smile and sing the song "Praise God from whom all blessings flow". Why not? We were not in a horrific accident. We do not have to go without a car even for one day. If we were going to be broke down, today was a beautiful, perfectly temperatured day to do it. Bella's ear is healing and Elias is on the mend and in a couple weeks, these ailments will be history. Getting upset about all the craziness this week would only make me and everyone around me unhappy, so why bother. I am blessed beyond measure and if all I have to deal with are some stitches, a cold, a busy schedule, and a dead battery, then I am very fortunate. I may have lost a lot of time (and money) this week, but getting irritated about it won't bring it back. "Time waits for no man". Life moves on, whether we are ready for it or not. It reminds me of when kids play on a playground merry-go-round. There is always that one kid who is pushing and gets knocked over when it gets going too fast. Sometimes in life, we are the ones sitting happily enjoying the ride and sometimes we are that unfortunate kid who just got knocked around because things got a little out of control for him. This week, I feel like I am that kid, but I am still going to grab the bar and try it again. What fun is just sitting out watching the ride go around?
...Now I am off to Washington, PA, for a Compassion concert where I hope many children who have been knocked around a lot by life will find loving sponsors who will take the time to get off the ride of life a little to help these little ones up on!
It started with the ER visit on Tuesday. Then we had the ENT visit on Wednesday, which wouldn't have been that big of deal, but Elias was home sick with a cold, so Josh had to take time off of work to watch him. That is really difficult right now because he has been really overwhelmed at his job lately. Then we had to take Elias to practice soccer, not only because he had missed his soccer practice Monday because of the holiday, but because he was really disappointed that we didn't get to go on Tuesday night because of the ER visit. Then yesterday, we were having a social night for the youth small group we lead and Josh had to run out at lunch, between a day full of meetings to get the food and supplies. I stayed home and went loony watching two stir-crazy kids, caring for Bella's ear, keeping up with Elias' medications and breathing treatments, while trying to make desserts and clean up the house - and did I mention I had to pick up and help Elias with his make-up homework for school? The dessert making was one mishap after another - I forgot the peanut butter in the pudding, the chocolate topping solidified too soon while I went off to assist the kids with something, etc. Then I got a call from the sitter, who was sick and couldn't watch the kids during youth small group. Josh got home and we were down to the last minute trying to get something for dinner and get the games and food ready. In the end, the dessert tasted the same & the social night was still fun and the kids had a blast being part of it. After everyone left, Josh began working on stuff for work and I started going through my e-mail inbox, which was full of things that needed attention. After a while the internet stopped working. Josh worked for about 30 minutes trying to diagnose the problem with no avail, so he decided that he was too tired to do anymore work anyway and we would just go to bed. That is when he realized that he had Bible study at 6 a.m. this morning, he didn't have his homework for it done, and it was already midnight. So, as we got into bed at 1 a.m., he set his clock for 4:45 and I set mine for 6:45, because I was planning on sending Elias to school today. As I got the kids and myself ready this morning, Elias still had a lingering cough, so I decided that since he had already missed two days, it would defeat the purpose of keeping him home in the first place if I sent him back before he was completely well. So I decided that we would go out on the rails and trails, since Elias doesn't really feel bad & he's getting antsy. I was supposed to pick up Elias' soccer uniform from his coach today, so I called & told him we would stop over on our way out. We went into his coaches' office for all of 5 minutes & when we came out, the van wouldn't start! I was in my gym clothes, no make-up, my hair up in a wild ponytail on top of my head, not really planning on going many places where people would see me. So, I called Josh to see what I should do, since this was the second time it wouldn't start in about a month's time. We decided I would call roadside assistance, since we pay for it anyway and have never used it, we were in a safe place, in no hurry, on a nice day, and Josh couldn't really take more time off at work - if I had to test our roadside assistance plan, today would be the best day! He joked that I better get off the phone before my cell battery died as well. So I call roadside assistance and when I finally made it through all the automated system and was finally talking to someone, my cell phone turned off and then back on for no apparent reason - ending my call with roadside assistance. It was completely unbelievable. I had to laugh at the irony of it! Luckily, the roadside assistance had my number on Caller ID and called me right back. So we waited there for about 45 minutes for the tow truck to come. The kids entertaining themselves by using the van seats as a jungle gym. The man came, started the van, told me not to turn it off until I got a new battery, and left. So I told the kids to get into the car so we could leave. About that time, a yellow jacket decides he's going to take up residence in the van. Why he couldn't have decided to be an annoyance during the 45 minute wait, instead of waiting until we could actually have left, I do not know. So my kids are screaming and running around the van like they are getting attacked by a mob and I am trying to coax this stubborn little pest out of the van - going as far as trying to seduce him out by holding up the juice boxes we had brought for after we walked the trail. He finally flew out, I told the kids to jump in, but before the door shut all the way, that nuisance flew back in. I had finally had enough and I swatted at him, not caring anymore if I got stung. I actually hit him and knocked him...somewhere. Since I wasn't sure where he actually went, whether it was inside or outside the van, I was not sure if buckling my kids into the van, so they would be captive bait for him was wise. So we looked for him and sat and waited for about 2-3 minutes to assure he was gone and then we made our way to the auto parts store. To our great luck, they had the battery we needed and they could install it. By the time we left, we had to go to the bathroom and we were all hungry, so we had to come home for lunch before going to the trails. We have a busy weekend ahead of us too and I am praying that we have no more unexpected occurrences.
But as I was driving home from the auto parts store, I just had to smile and sing the song "Praise God from whom all blessings flow". Why not? We were not in a horrific accident. We do not have to go without a car even for one day. If we were going to be broke down, today was a beautiful, perfectly temperatured day to do it. Bella's ear is healing and Elias is on the mend and in a couple weeks, these ailments will be history. Getting upset about all the craziness this week would only make me and everyone around me unhappy, so why bother. I am blessed beyond measure and if all I have to deal with are some stitches, a cold, a busy schedule, and a dead battery, then I am very fortunate. I may have lost a lot of time (and money) this week, but getting irritated about it won't bring it back. "Time waits for no man". Life moves on, whether we are ready for it or not. It reminds me of when kids play on a playground merry-go-round. There is always that one kid who is pushing and gets knocked over when it gets going too fast. Sometimes in life, we are the ones sitting happily enjoying the ride and sometimes we are that unfortunate kid who just got knocked around because things got a little out of control for him. This week, I feel like I am that kid, but I am still going to grab the bar and try it again. What fun is just sitting out watching the ride go around?
...Now I am off to Washington, PA, for a Compassion concert where I hope many children who have been knocked around a lot by life will find loving sponsors who will take the time to get off the ride of life a little to help these little ones up on!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Update on Bella
Bella and I went to the ENT today. The doctor said if she had to break the cartilage in her ear, she broke it in the best possible way for it to heal without severe scars or problems. He also said that it was stitched very well and the scar tissue will be at a minimum. He said if she was going to have problems with blood gathering, causing "cauliflower ear", it would have occurred already. So she is able to go without the pressure bandage now. She has been acting fine and we even made it through bath time with only a couple wimpers. I am so relieved! Now we just have to make sure it doesn't get bumped or infected in the next week or so, then the stitches will get removed on Monday.
ER Visit
Well, last night was supposed to be a quiet evening of practicing soccer at the park, but turned into a traumatic ordeal. Right after we finished dinner, Elias, Bella, and Josh were playing in the living room. All of a sudden I heard Bella screaming and crying. I heard Josh pick her up and her say, "Daddy, am I bleeding?" and Josh telling her yes. Josh was holding her ear when I walked into the living room. When we looked at it, we discovered that the cartilage was broken clear through and there was a laceration through both sides of her ear. It was definitely the worst injury either of our kids have had.
We dropped Elias off to our friend, Susan, who was at the East/West Stadium watching a soccer game. Josh and I were both a little out of it and I almost forgot which direction to go to get to the hospital. When we got to the hospital, everyone was sick in the ER and they were handing out masks for people who were experiencing flu-like symptoms. It made me feel like I was in some sort of germ experiment or something! Isabella had to pee and when I went into the bathroom, there were throw up splatters around the toilet. It was so gross.
But they took her back fairly quickly (for the ER anyway) and started cleaning her ear. Josh and I were trying to help hold her down, but Josh began feeling faint and I began to cry and kept looking away so Bella wouldn't see my tears, so the nurse thought I was getting sick too. They decided it needed stitches, so they gave her some medicine to calm her down and then, after waiting a while for it to take effect, they wrapped her like a burrito in a sheet and began the stitches. Josh had to sit down while they were stitching, but he sat right in front of Bella, so she could see him the whole time. I watched them stitch her and was completely amazed by the process and the technology of the string with the little "hook" that is at the end of it. Once they had given her the numbing needle once, she didn't feel the remaining needles going into her ear. Overall, she did very well. And, surprisingly, she slept pretty well last night. She slept in our bed, in case she woke up in pain, but she ended up sleeping as good as she normally does. And today she has not acted like she is in pain - though she hates wearing the bandages because they are itchy. She has to wear a pressure bandage wrapped around her head to prevent blood from gathering around it and causing "cauliflower ear". We see an ENT at 1 p.m. to find out if anything more needs to be done and for them to rewrap it.
I kept Elias home from school because he had a cough anyway and he didn't get to bed until about 10:30 last night. Now I am trying to figure out what to do with him while I take Isabella to the doctor. I am wondering if keeping him home was the best choice! He has been pretty fussy and he and Bella have been arguing all morning.
When I think about our visit to the ER, I am reminded of people who have kids with serious sicknesses or injuries, who have to sit by and watch their children be poked, proded, and hurt (for their own good) on a regular basis. I am SO incredibly thankful for such healthy children and for their protection through the first years of their life. My heart and prayers go out to all the parents who even now are sitting in a hospital room while their child lies in a hospital bed.
We dropped Elias off to our friend, Susan, who was at the East/West Stadium watching a soccer game. Josh and I were both a little out of it and I almost forgot which direction to go to get to the hospital. When we got to the hospital, everyone was sick in the ER and they were handing out masks for people who were experiencing flu-like symptoms. It made me feel like I was in some sort of germ experiment or something! Isabella had to pee and when I went into the bathroom, there were throw up splatters around the toilet. It was so gross.
But they took her back fairly quickly (for the ER anyway) and started cleaning her ear. Josh and I were trying to help hold her down, but Josh began feeling faint and I began to cry and kept looking away so Bella wouldn't see my tears, so the nurse thought I was getting sick too. They decided it needed stitches, so they gave her some medicine to calm her down and then, after waiting a while for it to take effect, they wrapped her like a burrito in a sheet and began the stitches. Josh had to sit down while they were stitching, but he sat right in front of Bella, so she could see him the whole time. I watched them stitch her and was completely amazed by the process and the technology of the string with the little "hook" that is at the end of it. Once they had given her the numbing needle once, she didn't feel the remaining needles going into her ear. Overall, she did very well. And, surprisingly, she slept pretty well last night. She slept in our bed, in case she woke up in pain, but she ended up sleeping as good as she normally does. And today she has not acted like she is in pain - though she hates wearing the bandages because they are itchy. She has to wear a pressure bandage wrapped around her head to prevent blood from gathering around it and causing "cauliflower ear". We see an ENT at 1 p.m. to find out if anything more needs to be done and for them to rewrap it.
I kept Elias home from school because he had a cough anyway and he didn't get to bed until about 10:30 last night. Now I am trying to figure out what to do with him while I take Isabella to the doctor. I am wondering if keeping him home was the best choice! He has been pretty fussy and he and Bella have been arguing all morning.
When I think about our visit to the ER, I am reminded of people who have kids with serious sicknesses or injuries, who have to sit by and watch their children be poked, proded, and hurt (for their own good) on a regular basis. I am SO incredibly thankful for such healthy children and for their protection through the first years of their life. My heart and prayers go out to all the parents who even now are sitting in a hospital room while their child lies in a hospital bed.
Monday, September 7, 2009
When I was 30
This is something I wrote in a random notebook on my 30th birthday. I have always wanted to re-record it somewhere more permanent, so I guess it will suffice for my first official blog entry.
When I was 30, it was the best age yet.
Though I started to see and feel the years creeping into my body and my face -
The aches and pains, wrinkles and scars all held memories that still seem so near.
When I was 30, I still felt young enough to feel attractive, but I felt I really knew myself enough to feel comfortable in my own skin.
When I was 30, I realized that I was never going to be all the things I thought I was going to be, but I became more than I ever thought I could be.
When I was 30, I realized that no matter how old I become, I will still be naive about something, but I also realized that knowing that is wisdom on its own.
When I was 30, I no longer felt the need to be stronger so others would feel weaker, but I felt the need to be stronger so others could gain from my strength.
When I was 30, I began to see that an 80 year old still holds the 30 year old they once were inside. Those years and the realizations they bring can't be duplicated or deleted. They cannot be edited or borrowed. They are mine and mine alone. And when I am 80, I will look back and see that these first 30 years were building blocks for the person I will be then.
When I was 30, I played the part so well that people who saw me never would know that there is a girl of 25, 20, 15, 10, 5 and all the years in between trapped inside - except they know, because they feel the same way too.
When I was 30, it was the best age yet.
When I was 30, it was the best age yet.
Though I started to see and feel the years creeping into my body and my face -
The aches and pains, wrinkles and scars all held memories that still seem so near.
When I was 30, I still felt young enough to feel attractive, but I felt I really knew myself enough to feel comfortable in my own skin.
When I was 30, I realized that I was never going to be all the things I thought I was going to be, but I became more than I ever thought I could be.
When I was 30, I realized that no matter how old I become, I will still be naive about something, but I also realized that knowing that is wisdom on its own.
When I was 30, I no longer felt the need to be stronger so others would feel weaker, but I felt the need to be stronger so others could gain from my strength.
When I was 30, I began to see that an 80 year old still holds the 30 year old they once were inside. Those years and the realizations they bring can't be duplicated or deleted. They cannot be edited or borrowed. They are mine and mine alone. And when I am 80, I will look back and see that these first 30 years were building blocks for the person I will be then.
When I was 30, I played the part so well that people who saw me never would know that there is a girl of 25, 20, 15, 10, 5 and all the years in between trapped inside - except they know, because they feel the same way too.
When I was 30, it was the best age yet.
Where do I begin?
I have thought a lot lately about starting a blog. I have journaled since my senior year in high school when my English teacher made journaling an assignment. We had to write a paragraph a day. It could be about absolutely anything, but it had to be daily. I immediately fell in love with the assignment and since then I have filled multiple journals every year. It has helped me to spill out frustrations or excitement, record events and feelings I don't want to forget, and has often served as a reminder of where I have been and where I want to go in my life. I have often thought about what will happen to all of these journals when I die. But I guess then, it really won't matter to me much! I love historical movies, non-fiction and fiction books, and even shows like "History Detectives" and "Antiques Roadshow". In these, bits and pieces of people's journals play significant roles in placing times and events or even just getting a feel for what people thought or felt during a particular time in history. I wonder if anything I ever would write could bear any significance to the next generation. I know little about the history of my family or the personalities of those even a generation before my parents and I have always wished to know more.
When I have thought about blogging in the past, I felt like I need to start from the beginning. I was so overwhelmed, I decided blogging could wait. I also felt slightly squimish about the fact that others would read the things I wrote - while I was still alive and kicking! What if I have an embarrassing typo or what if I said something that offended someone? But I have so enjoyed keeping up with others and even learning a thing or two from other's blogs, I have decided to set aside my concerns and just start from where I am right now. So here we go....
When I have thought about blogging in the past, I felt like I need to start from the beginning. I was so overwhelmed, I decided blogging could wait. I also felt slightly squimish about the fact that others would read the things I wrote - while I was still alive and kicking! What if I have an embarrassing typo or what if I said something that offended someone? But I have so enjoyed keeping up with others and even learning a thing or two from other's blogs, I have decided to set aside my concerns and just start from where I am right now. So here we go....
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