When God intervenes our prayers

I read a blog that usually makes me laugh, but today it made me cry. Today, there is a very heartfelt guest blog post that brought tears to my eyes at the end.  If you have ever had a similar experience as the one described (or even if you haven't), it will probably make you teary-eyed too, at the amazing wonder and love of God.

This is the part of the post that really started to get my attention:

Sometimes I pretend that God and I Skype.  Like we have a 3:00 meeting and I sit down, tuck my hair behind my ears, and say, “It’s me……..”.  He always smiles.  Sometimes he winks while he points his finger at me.  I usually do this when I need some serious advice or when I’m super confused about something.  He always listens but sometimes he doesn’t stay on task (my task).  One time, during one of our conversations, he was way off base.

If you’ve never heard from God, let me tell you how he talks to me.  It’s like a thought in my head that pops in from out of nowhere and i vs so loud that it sounds like a loud speaker. It’s always unreasonable and so foreign that it’s very clear that the thoughts do not belong to me.  I most always feel invaded.  The thoughts will play over and over again, like a flat tire that keeps on thumping until I finally stop and tend to it.

Here is the link, so you can check it out: Calling God By His First Name

Confessions of an Insomniac

I have just adopted a very frustrating habit.  I have been waking up around 4 a.m. and am completely WIDE AWAKE.  I am not feeling necessarily anxious or bothered by anything.  I don't have anything stressful on my mind (or at least not more than usual).  My eyes just pop open and I feel ready for the day.  Unfortunately, it wears off around 5:30 a.m. or so.  Then I go back to bed and when I really have to get up for the morning, I think, "Why can't I sleep when I have the chance to sleep?"

I think it partially is due to the recent change in my sleep patterns when I started subbing.  I have been trying to get to bed earlier, since I have to often be up earlier than usual.  But my body got so used to me only sleeping 6-7 hours (from roughly midnight or a little after to 7 a.m.) that I think that when I go to bed earlier, my body thinks I should be done sleeping because I have been asleep my usual allotted time.  Unfortunately, I am not able to work all day and take care of my family and home all evening on that 6-7 hours, so I am utterly exhausted by the kid's bedtime. 

And I think I have FINALLY realized that I can no longer function on such a limited amount of sleep, even when I am not subbing.  So I am going to attempt to be in bed and (hopefully) sleeping by 11.  I have tried this before, but this time I really see how taxing it is on my body to not get adequate sleep, so I am going to try to be even more diligent. 

Many times when I am awake in the wee hours, I think about clever or thought-provoking blog posts I can write -  this isn't one of those!

Vacation?

Our conversation about vacationing (aka: why we never take a real vacation):

Josh: I would like to go somewhere during the kids' Spring break.

Me: Where do you want to go?  It is probably a little late to plan something now.

Josh: It is 2 weeks away.

Me: Two weeks is really not a lot of time to plan.  Let's look at the calendar....This is on that day.  We can't go then because we have that thing. And I was planning on painting Bella's room that week, remember.  I guess I could paint it in one day if I got all the stuff to do it before that week.

Josh: You aren't going to be able to paint her room in one day.

Me: Well, what were you thinking of doing anyway?  Where did you want to go?

Josh: I don't know.  We don't really like to do the same things.

Me: Most people go to the beach on vacation.  I wouldn't mind going to the beach.  The kids have only been to the ocean once in the spring after we had Bella when we went down with Kristi for a two days and they were too small to remember it.  Even if we don't do it for Spring break, maybe in the summer?

Josh: I hate the beach.  Sand and salt get everywhere.  It is usually crowded and it is dirty.  Half the time the water is too cold to get into.

Me: But other than that, there is just camping and camping is even dirtier and more work.  Anything else is way too expensive.

Josh: I don't know.

Me: I am tired.  We've got to get to bed.  I guess we can talk about it later.

Josh: Okay.


...Then a month later, we have the same conversation and decide to postpone it another month...


Both our families vacationed very little growing up, so we have never learned how to plan a vacation or enjoy one, for that matter.  Seriously, the entire thing overwhelms me so much and becomes so difficult to execute - trying to maneuver around all of our various commitments -  that we have opted just to spend any vacation money in the past going to the pool and to the movies all summer long.  I don't think our kids have suffered, by any means, but I would like them to have vacation memories when they get older.  Josh and I have very few and most of our vacation memories are when we vacationed with our friend's families.

We are vacation misfits!  I think we need an intervention!

The amazing mailing process

Have you ever wondered how Compassion makes sure every letter gets to where it needs to go?  There are many, many people who touch each correspondence from your mailbox to your child and then back again. 

Each of these videos are about 5 minutes long and are not highly cinematographic, but they give you just a small idea of the work it takes to process just one sponsor/child correspondence. 

A Child's Letter: From Maria to her Sponsor

A Sponsor's Letter: From Gayle to her Child

Three Day Weekends

In our school district, the Board of Education decided at the beginning of the year to schedule a weather make-up day for almost every Friday from the beginning of March until the last day of school, which is June 6th.  Since we had only one snow day, the kids now have off every Friday until the end of the school year.  Many people have been complaining about this and think it would be better to just make the kids go on Fridays and let them off earlier for summer break.

When I am in crowds of people who are complaining about having Fridays off, I feel a little hesitant to say this, but I will say it here, behind the safety of my computer screen.  I love it!  I love that the kids get three day weekends.  I love that the school weeks are cut short and that we only have 4 "school nights", instead of 5.

I have been having the kids work on homework on the Fridays they are off, so they don't have as much to do on the evenings when they get home from school.  Plus, my kids get really stir crazy as the summer break stretches on.  With having a few days of school, with a little break each week, it is like they are getting little bits of vacation along the way.  

Now, I am not advocating year-around school or anything, but this has made our Spring so much more enjoyable.  I guess it makes it better because the weather has been like summer, though!

Also, since our small group just moved to Thursdays, it makes it so much less stressful.  We don't have to worry about homework or bedtimes.

So I am celebrating the Board of Education's decision today - I guess that is a good thing, since I am technically their employee now!

Hope Lives Read Through - Week 4:Prayer

“Prayer is not just a thoughtful thing I do on the side, as I do the “real” work of helping others; prayer is the work.” pg. 119

I am a problem solver by nature.  I am such an A type personality, that I think I may be an A+!  To be honest, prayer is hard for me to trust.  I want to always be doing something.  I want to have a grand scheme or dynamic plan.  I don’t like to trust things to God.

I want to say that the reason I have trouble trusting things to God is because he has called me to serve and that we must not be simply hearers of the word, but doers of it also.  But when I really examine my heart, I realize that the reason I don’t trust more things to prayer is because I think I know how things should go or I have a “if it is going to get done, I will just have to do it myself” mentality.

Often, I will come to my wits' end or just not know how to help or what to do and I will have no other choice but to pray and do nothing else.  Then when God actually answers that prayer, without my “help” I am somewhat surprised and think, “Wow, that actually worked.  I need to try that more often!” – But then I quickly forget again.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------

Read the rest of my guest post over at Compassion Family.  While you are there, check out the rest of the "Hope Lives" Read-Through Posts.

Spring up, oh, well in my soul

There was a song we sang in a church we attended briefly in college that I now sing to my kids (with cool sound effects, may I add).  The words are: 

I've got a river of life flowin' out of me.
Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see.
Opens prison doors, sets the captives free.
I've got a river of life flowin' out of me.

Spring up Oh Well.
Within my soul.
Spring up Oh Well
And make me whole.
Spring up Oh Well
And give to me
That life abundantly.

As I sing this song, I can easily picture cleansing waters flowing abundantly.  But what about those who've never seen that in their lives.  Clean water that flows freely is something that I continue to take for granted.

March 22 is World Water Day, a day to raise awareness of the lack of clean, safe water all over the world. 

You can give access to clean water for life to 1 family for $55. http://www.compassion.com/catalog/safe-water-for-life.htm. 

The United Nation's Water.org Facebook page says, “A five-minute shower uses more water than one person in a slum will get in a whole day.”  

If you have ever been without running water for even one day, you know how painstakingly you conserve all the water that you have or can collect - especially if you have to buy it.  Imagine that was how you had to live every day?  Many in the world do.

Check out this Compassion International blog post: http://blog.compassion.com/access-to-water-the-luxury-of-water-and-hair-washing/#ixzz1pYaR0eC4

To work I go...

Random observations about going back to work as a substitute teacher....
1. I forgot how great it feels to get out of work clothes at the end of the day.
2. I found that I was more productive at home in the hours I had.
3. It is hard on everyone when mamma's not home, even if the kids are at school for most of the time when I am gone.
4. Waking up and leaving before it is light outside makes me a little sad.
5. I really still like teaching.
6. There are many kids who want to be told there is a reason to have hope for their future.
7. My body protests a lot more than it used to about being on my feet for 7 hours straight.
8. Kids seem bigger to me than they should be.
9. Isabella thinks it is really cool that I am now "a real teacher" and has decided that she doesn't want to wait until she's an adult to be one herself.
10. I am wondering how many of these kids I am going to run into at the pool this summer.  I don't know how I feel about them seeing me in a bathing suit, if I am going to have to sub for them again next year.

And last, but not least....
I think I will sub in the public schools to afford to send my kids to private school!

Guatemala Revisited

Today's Compassion blog highlights a child development center in Guatemala that Josh visited while he was in Guatemala last summer.  The little girl they talk about and the typewriter she is using in one of the pictures were even present the day he was there. Check it out here:

Living in Guatemala: A Day in the life of Melissa

Wandering thoughts

Last night, Josh and I had to go our separate ways.  Josh went to Elias' basketball banquet and I took Bella to Veggie Tales Live (which was excellent and worth every penny of the ticket price).  We were going to all four go together, but Elias would have had to miss his banquet and he has recently decided he is too old for Veggie Tales - along with a few dozen other things, including his car booster seat.  I have finally conceded to letting him ride without it, since he is within 2 pounds and 2 weeks of his birthday.  It is weird to think that I was once strapping him into a baby seat and a stroller and he was completely at my mercy to go or do anything.  But now, I barely remember what that felt like.  Both of my children have their own thoughts, their own ideas, and their own two legs to take them where they need to go.  I know they still need me immensely - probably in some ways even more now, but it is sometimes so bittersweet to see them grow.

Today, I am taking the kids to see "The Lorax" and then getting Elias' eight year pictures taken at Sears.  Then Josh is going to meet us after work for a quick meal and I am going to leave the kids with him and go to a local consignment kid's clothing sale at a church that is this weekend only. Life rolls along.

This week I got my license to sub in the public schools.  I am not sure I am ready to step back into the workforce or ready to handle 15-25 unruly kids when some days I feel like I can't handle my own two, but I am going to give it a try. I miss teaching. My job teaching at the technical college was one of my favorites.  I know there are many trials to teaching, but also many rewards.  Subbing is a whole different experience, though.  Since we subbed at the college for other professors who were out, I know that subs aren't treated by the students as the regular teachers are and vice versa. It is sort of like having first dates continuously. 

We finally got our family room fixed from the flooding over the summer (minus a few finishing touches, like furniture and wall hangings, etc.).  I am so pleased with the final results. I am almost glad that the flooding perpetuated the remodeling of the room.  But now I feel like I am just waiting for the next thing to go ka-floo-y in our house.  Not sure if I spelled ka-floo-y right, or if that is even a word, but that is the best description of what I felt happened to our house over a few months last summer.  It is an effort to live life open-handed, palms up, willing to let God have and do what he wants in my life, instead of clench-fisted, holding onto what I feel should be certainly mine.

Our house has recently become the host location for our small group.  I love having people in my home.  I love making my home an environment where people can be comfortable and welcomed.  Since this isn't our first time as small group hosts, I know there will be days that I am shoving stray laundry and toys into closets and bedrooms and thinking that I just want to get into my pajamas and read, instead of preparing for company, but I know the blessing of being with people who I can be in true community outweighs the pain of the preparation.  I feel like our house has been given to us for this purpose.  It is not only to provide safety and a haven for our own little clan, but to be a place for others to be brought into our lives.  When we were looking for a house, we looked for the "hospitality" factor of each and this one definitely had it and I feel abundantly blessed - but sometimes I feel like we have not let it live up to its hospitality potential, as schedule and life have made visiting in general less frequent than I would have hoped. 

The winter, despite the lack thereof, is nearing an end.  We will be "Springing Forward" this weekend.  The months have past so quickly and I feel a slight sadness that we didn't have much snow.  I don't really understand why, because I am not a person who wildly loves snow, but it feels like some of the magic of winter was locked away somewhere - I am guessing with my friend Elizabeth who is halfway around the world and has seen her fair share of snow this winter!  I guess maybe the slight sadness comes from living almost my entire life with seasons marking my memories.  I look forward to Spring flowers and Summer pool days, but there is just something about winter that can't be replaced by either.

Well, it is time to take my beautiful little ones to the movies, so I will end this pointless, wandering blog post here.  I am not sure why I decided to share all of these disjointed thoughts here.  Normally, they are reserved for my journal, where there is no need for main ideas or purpose.  Sometimes I just feel like the way my mind really works is hidden behind a veil of organization and definition.  This is the way my thoughts normally run...from one place to the next, landing slightly and occasionally, but always connected by the same string.

Where he leads me - will I follow?

Yesterday at church, we sang the song "We Will Follow" by Jars of Clay.  In the past when I have sang the chorus, "Where you lead us we will follow", I have always thought of the great missions that God may want me to follow him in.  But yesterday, as I was singing those words a very vivid, unexpected memory popped into my head.

The memory was from the day that I spent with my sponsored children in Peru at a child's amusement park.  My sponsored children are 7-year old Elias and 5-year old Xiomara.  We were enjoying the rides at this little amusement park, that were similar to county fair rides.  They had a 'House of Horrors'.  Elias wanted to go into the house really bad.  I was a little skeptical, but I thought, "This park is for children, so it surely won't be that scary." Well, I forgot that we weren't in America anymore!  About 5 feet into the house, I realized that I had made a terrible mistake!  This house was filled with things that even scared me! 

But there was only one problem - the only way out was through - and in a single file line. 

So I have Xiomara in front of me and Elias behind me, holding each of their hands.  The translator is behind Elias holding his hand.  As soon as the scary stuff started, Xiomara started screaming and crying and closed her eyes and planted her feet.  And she refused to move.  She couldn't understand my English and it was too loud for her to hear the translator's voice.  Elias, on the other hand, was wide-eyed and you could see that he was really scared, but when I would finally get Xiomara to take a few steps, he would willingly be lead by my hand.  I only wish that I could have communicated to Xiomara that it was for her best to trust me to keep moving.  It would have been so much easier on her in the end.

I think there is a reason that this memory popped into my head.  When God wants to lead me into a new adventure I am all for it and singing, "Where you lead me I will follow." But when he wants to lead me through hardship and heartache, I want to close my eyes and plant my feet, scream and cry.  I don't want to take God's hand and trust him to lead me through the scariest parts. I was trying to tell Xiomara what was best for her, but she couldn't understand the language I was speaking and she couldn't hear the translation from all of the scary noise around her.  In the same way, I can't seem to hear God's voice or understand why it is best for me to walk through the scary parts, but it would be so much easier for me if I would just hold his hand and trust him, even when I can't hear or understand.

It is hard to think about all of the scary patches ahead in my life, but I know that there is only one way through it.