Yesterday when Elias came home from school he told me that his classmate Camden, who he had been playing and interacting with the most at school, was moving to Whitehall. We didn't talk too long about it, except for praying for Camden to have an easy adjustment at the dinner table. Then when Elias prepared to go to bed, he began to sob and then bawl. At first, we had no idea what was wrong with him because we couldn't understand what he was saying. Then finally we were able to piece it together. He was sad that Camden was leaving and he was afraid that he wouldn't have anyone to play with at recess because the two of them always played together and everyone else already had other friends. He also said that his only other best friend was Nicky, who was his preschool classmate, and that "a little piece of his heart still misses him too.". Josh and I just held him and let him cry. I have to admit I shed a few tears too. Not just because he was so sad, but because I know that this is just the start of a lifetime of similar hurts - friends leaving, wondering where you fit in with others, etc. When he got up this morning, he seemed fine, but I am really looking forward to picking him up from the bus stop today. Part of my mommy instinct just wants to go to the school during recess to make sure that other kids play with him, but I know that would be crazy. I even had a fleeting thought about going and picking him up from school at lunch time and taking him out to lunch and keeping him out until after recess is over - since recess is directly after lunch. But I realized quickly that I can't shield him from everything and that taking him to lunch today wouldn't help the problem long-term. And even if I would take him out every day at lunch and recess time, I would just be handicapping him from learning to cope. I know that I have had a lot of hurt in my life, but if I wouldn't have had the hurt, I would be a very different person today, and I don't really think it would be for the better. What really surprised me was that Elias felt anxiety about not fitting in completely with all his classmates. Before this point, he seemed pretty self-assured and immune to thoughts of fitting in to groups. Of course, I always knew that there would come a point when he started becoming effected by social norms and relationship issues, I just didn't think it would come this soon. I think that he will be okay and that after a few days he will realize that other kids will take Camden's place, but I feel so sad for the future relational problems that will hit harder and hurt deeper.
It was a very sad evening last night, for this and many other reasons I won't discuss here. But I woke up this morning and the sun was shining and Elias and Bella were laughing and playing together and Josh smiled at me as he prepared for work and I realized again that God's mercies are new every morning. No matter what hurt lies around the bend, God is always faithful to heal and restore. I was reading in "Crazy Love" this morning about people who made ministries out of heartache. There was a boy from Tanzania whose mother tried to abort him late in pregnancy by taking the "Morning after pill". She went into premature labor and he was born very small. But in the end, this ended up saving his life because his mother had AIDS and since there was no bleeding caused by his birth, the virus was not transmitted to him. What an amazing testimony of how something that was meant for evil was used for good! I can think of so many instances of things like this in my own life and I hope I will allow God to help me use those things to make me become better, not bitter.
We Live by Superchick
There's a cross on the side of the road
Where a mother lost a son
How could she know that the morning he left
Would be their last time; she'd trade with him for a little more time
So she could say she loved him one more time
And hold him tight
But with life we never know
When we're coming up to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend?
Chorus:
We live we love
We forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
Today we remember to live and to love
We live we love
We forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
Today we remember to live and to love
There is a man who waits for the tests
To see if the cancer has spread yet
And now he asks, "So why did I wait to live till it was time to die?"
If I could have the time back how I'd live
Life is such a gift
So how does the story end?
Well this is your story and it all depends
So don't let it become true
Get out and do what we are meant to do
Chorus
Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day is a gift somehow, someway
So get our heads up out of the darkness
And spark this new mindset and start to live life cuz it ain't gone yet
And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life we're supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living
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