The little things

I was sitting having a cup of my favorite tea today and I was reflecting on how that cup of tea really makes me feel better - the warmth of the cup in my hand, the comfort of homey smell, the sweet earthiness of the teaspoon of honey I mix into it.  It is something so small, but I savor it each time I have it and if I didn't, I would probably stop drinking it because then it would be just tea - something to put fluid into my body.  But as I was sitting on my favorite chair with my favorite tea, I thought about last night and the struggle I had with another small thing.  I had a hule of a popcorn kernel stuck in my gum inside the edge of a crown I have over one of my molars.  When I flossed it, it just wedged it in further into the root and was so painful it throbbed and gave me a headache yesterday so bad that I had to take ibuprofen.  I began to think I was going to have to go to the dentist to see if they could remove it, because it had been there since Saturday evening and nothing I did would remove it and I feared it would make my already compromised crowned tooth to become abscess.  I told Josh that I think that Paul must have been referring to a popcorn kernel being wedged into his gum when he referred to the "thorn in his side"!  So I began to pray that God would somehow help it to come out, either by divine intervention or by the dentist or a chisel - anything, just get it out!  I know it might seem crazy to pray about something like this, but I do it all the time.  So I went to bed and lay there feeling my heart beat in the root of this tooth and wondering how much the dentist would charge me and how much longer I could handle the pain.  After about 20 minutes, I just felt this urge to go try yet again to remove this thing with floss - though I had tried multiple times before for 3-5 minutes at a time.  As I was working the floss back and forth, the tiniest piece of something showed up on my tooth.  It was probably about the size of the top of a stick pin.  My gum was still sore, from all the poking and prodding, but the throbbing was gone.  I could not believe that something so small could have put me in such agony for 2 days!  But then thinking about this situation and my tea lead me to think about all the other small things that affect me, for better and worse, in my life.  I realize all the time that the littlest things in my life have made the most impact.

Here are just a few little things, good and bad, that have had great impact on me in my life:
- One of the first memories I have is of my mom and dad kissing at the door when my dad would leave for work.  I always knew when things were going well in my home when I saw that in the morning.
- The smell of Charlie perfume always makes me think of celebration times with my family, because that is the perfume my mother wore on special occasions.
- Another of my first memories is of my oldest sister having violent arguments with my parents and the day she put her fist through the wall of her room and came back out with bloody knuckles and the look on her face that said, "What have I just done and why am I doing this?" and I saw for just a minute the vulnerable side of her hardened heart.  I just can't describe it, but it affected me deeply because I saw on her face how much it effected her.
- I had a teacher in the eighth grade cross all boundaries of teacher protocol when I was going through a time of depression and the school counselors were getting ready to refer me to a psychiatrist.  I will never forget what he looked like when he said one morning in a very firm voice, "You don't need a psychiatrist.  You need to get yourself into a church and let God deal with this."  Less than 2 months later I was attending church regularly and it was the beginning of the best decisions of my life.
- Then when I was 25, I walked into that same teacher's classroom and told him how much that had meant to me for the very first time and we both stood crying as he told me he works every day to be a good teacher and witness, but often feels like it isn't enough, and that it was such a blessing to know that something he didn't even remember saying effected me so much.
- One of the first times I talked to Josh on the telephone, his mother came into his room to tell him goodnight.  While I was still on the line, he gave her a hug and told her he loved her.  It really meant the world to me that even though he liked me and we were not even dating yet, he didn't care about appearing weak or juvenile and not the "macho" man teenager boys were supposed to be.  
- When I was pregnant with Elias and the doctors told us he was going to be slightly mentally handicapped and would need surgery immediately after birth (which obviously did not happen, Praise the Lord!).  I rode home from the doctor's office so cold and numb.  It was January, and when we arrived home, we found our front door standing wide open to our house and we had been gone about 10 hours that day.  Apparently, the door didn't latch all the way and high winds had blown it open.  We were very tight on money and gas for the furnace was high and we felt invaded upon to know that anyone could have come into our house throughout the day.  I remember sitting on the stairs in our freezing apartment, my body so cold inside and outside and feeling like the cold and the loss of security I felt from the door being opened mirrored the cold and loss of security I felt in my heart.
- When Elias played soccer this past season, every time he scored a goal or made a field play, he would look over to Josh and I sitting on the sidelines.  When he saw us watching, he would get a slight grin on his face and then go back to paying attention to the coach or referee.  There was so much communicated in that simple look on both sides that even now it brings tears to my eyes.  Not just because I love having these type of moments with my kids, but also for all the other kids who don't get these moments with their parents, either by the selfish choices of the parents or the unfortunate circumstances of life.  I think all the time about what "moments" my kids will hold when they get older.  What memories will hang like framed snapshots in their minds.  I hope that we have a lifetime to develop them together.  But even if we don't, I hope that everyday I am giving them new ones to tuck away in their ever developing minds, so if I am ever not here for them one day, they can reach in and still have a piece of me with them always. 
There are so many of these moments and I know we all have them.  I know that the little things are what makes up my life and that we are part of the make up of the little things in other's lives around us. I have been taking some new classes at the gym this week.  One of the instructors kept telling us to focus on the movement, or the stretch, or the breath, etc.  It is amazing how much more of an impact a movement or a stretch or a breath has on your body when you purposely pay attention to it.  Try it and you will see.  If we pay attention to the little things in life - the seemingly meaningless conversations in the car, the little gestures of kindness that other's show you, the cashier who is chattering as she checks you out at the grocery store, etc. - How much more impact could it have on us?  How much more impact can we have on others?
 
From Small Piece of You by Sara Groves
I just want a small piece of you
a token to put in my pocket
and I will own that one thing
and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you
something to put in a locket
and i will look at it daily
and that will make me happy