Sometimes I'm a (wo)man of God; Sometimes I'm alright

I haven't been blogging lately because I haven't had time to collect my thoughts for myself, let alone make them coherent enough for someone else.  The only way I can describe the way I have felt lately is with the word bombarded.  I feel like I am continually waiting for the next round of action.  We watched the movie Sherlock Holmes last night.  In the movie there are several scenes where Robert Downey, Jr., who plays Sherlock Holmes, has to assess situations where he is under attack and then deduce the best way to address the attack.  All of his thoughts are slowed and described and then the scene is played out in sudden live action.  If you haven't seen the movie, it may be a little difficult to understand the description I just offered you.  I often feel like that in life, though.  I feel like life is coming at me so fast and I feel like I am always trying to deduce the best course of action and trying to predict the next crisis or area that needs attention - and that is on good days.  There really hasn't been anything major going on lately, just average daily life, with all the spilled drinks, things broken, and unfinished projects included.  I always think that next week will be easier or slower or ______________ fill in the blank.  I have realized that in all my busyness, I have forgotten how to be quiet and how to rest.  I feel like when I have free time I have to fill it with something and I never have trouble finding things to fill it.  If nothing else, I feel like I need to create meaningful moments for the kids, which I feel I never do very well.  When I read friend's blogs of how they are working on crafts or teaching lessons on particular subjects, I think how our family time is playing Super Mario Bros., taking walks around our neighborhood circle, or watching Phineas and Ferb together.  None of these are very purposeful or educational!  We're lucky if we get Elias' homework done on a daily basis!  I often feel like a failure and a victor in about a minute's span of time every day.  I convince myself that I don't need time.  That it is selfish and if I take it, who will do all that I am not doing?  Lately, the day time hours have had less responsibilities and I have almost not known what to do with myself.  I no longer find satisfaction with the things I once enjoyed doing because I feel like they don't prepare me for action enough and I must be prepared at all times and I no longer have weekly "just for fun" outings with others.  I don't have as many meaningful, really meaningful relationships, with women like I once did, because my schedule has not allowed me that privilege.  Even when I have time with friends, without a consistency of regular meetings with them, I find that the time I do spend with other women is spent thinking, "Am I talking too much?  Am I being too needy?  Am I considering their need to talk or express how they feel?", and then I often come away feeling a little drained and feeling like I am failure at even being a friend.  Again, the way I feel is best described with a song and the answer is given there as well!

Man of God by Audio Adrenaline

Sometimes I'm a liar; sometimes I'm a fake;
Sometimes I'm a hypocrite that everybody hates
Sometimes I'm a poet; sometimes I'm a preacher
Sometimes I watch life go by sitting on the bleacher

But I've never been left alone
In any problem that I've known
Even though I'm to blame
There were times when things were dark
And I've been known to miss the mark
But someone fixed my aim

Sometimes I'm a man of god
Sometimes I'm alright
Sometimes I lay down close my eyes
And pray to god

Sometimes I don't feel good
Its hard to start the day
Its hard to climb the obstacles
That sometimes come my way
If I make it, I'm a good man.
Am I a bad man if I fail?
I know I'm never good enough
So I let grace prevail

But I've never been left alone
In any problem that I've known
Even though I'm to blame
There were times when things were dark
And I've been known to miss the mark
But someone fixed my aim

Sometimes I'm a man of god
Sometimes I'm alright
Sometimes I lay down close my eyes
And pray to God I'm ready for the night