Glory Baby

I had a very productive Friday, which contributed less chaos to our Saturday.  The kids were so good for most of the weekend (except for a few minor disturbances here and there) that I thought maybe Josh had bribed them to go easy on me this weekend for mother's day.  I have gotten my choice of where I wanted to go and eat and when I suggested we all go swimming today at the gym (which is one of Josh's least favorite things to do), he got suited up and we were out the door in ten minutes without a single complaint - coming from Josh, I mean.  But the best part of the day was hearing those little voices by my bed first thing this morning saying, "Happy Mother's Day".  I tried to imprint their little faces looking at me in my mind to hold there forever.  Those faces make up for all those years when I thought that I may never hear those words spoken to me and for me.

I remember the last Mother's Day that past before I got pregnant with Elias in summer of 2003. We were in the middle of a stalled adoption process and the doctors had told us that was probably our only option.  I had finally resolved myself to mother others' children and my nieces and nephews were ready and willing to hang around Aunt Jenny then.  We went to Maryland to spend the day with my family and went to church with my sister, who had recently had her fourth child.  The pastor asked all the mothers and grandmothers to stand and then he asked all the women to stand.  He told the congregation to place a hand on the shoulder of every woman there and pray for them.  When my sister prayed for me, she broke down crying and I could tell her heart was yearning for me to be able to be a mother almost as much as I was myself.  Something changed in me that day.  I don't really know what it was, but from that day forward I knew that I was going to be the woman God had created me to be, no matter what happened on the child-front.  I was reminded that I had important things I needed to do and I couldn't wait until my life became what I thought it should be, because my life was still going on, day-by-day, whether I had a baby or not.  Even if my life didn't go from point to point the way I thought it should, that didn't mean God's plan for me was wrong.  It was just not what I had planned.  And now, since I have known the sorrow of feeling barren on Mother's Day, I pray for others who may feel that sorrow on this day every year.  Through those years, I listened to the band Watermark a lot.  Even though I never experienced the pain of a miscarriage, I felt with every negative pregnancy test, it was a baby that I had to say goodbye to on a regular basis.  One of their songs was written after the singers, Nathan and Christy Nockels, had experienced a miscarriage.  The lyrics still touch a place deep in me and I am reminded of how I felt when I would listen to the song for solace.

Glory Baby by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…