Frustrated, disappointed, confused...FRUSTRATED!

My daughter and I see things differently and we are often upset with each other about it.  I don't like feeling like we are on a different page, but I can't seem to bridge the gap.  I had originally started this blog with the statement, "My daughter and I see things differently.  She thinks the world revolves around her and I disagree." But that is not true and was not fair to my daughter.  I really believe that our relational conflict is mutual, but it still does not help me to know exactly how to solve it.

I have tried talking to her, talking more loudly to her, talking even more loudly.  I have tried smacking her bottom after I talk to her.  I have tried spending one-on-one time with her.  I have tried to ask her about her feelings.  I have tried telling how her behavior makes those around her feel.  I have read books and more books and more books.  I have prayed and prayed and prayed about it.  I have prayed with her about it.

She is often a fun, independent, and friendly child.  But I feel like she is always on the verge of an eruption and you never know when she will spew her anger and upset and who it will be directed toward - but she seems to do it worse with her immediate family than anyone else.  Because of this, when she gets home from school, she seems to have all this pent-up angry energy built up and it always comes out on me.

I am at a complete loss as to what to do.  She just has such a quick temper and anger seems like it boils under the surface always in her heart.  She also stuffs her feelings inside.

I know that my reaction makes it worse - since she knows where every last one of my buttons are and proceeds to not only push them, but to jump on them for a while.

I have been trying really hard to control my reaction to her because I know that she gets some sort of satisfaction from making me blow my top.  Maybe it gives her feel justified to do it herself.  I also know that I allowed her temper to increase by ignoring it in the beginning because I thought that it was a phase or, more appropriately, I just didn't know what to do about it, except ignore it.  Also, since she was the baby of the family, I allowed her to be selfish from a small age, so now she thinks being selfish is normal.

I say all this not to be negative to my daughter, but to be real and share an area that I really need wisdom and guidance and prayer.  I know that it is my responsibility to "train her in the way she should go" and I feel like I am really failing at it!

When she got home from school yesterday at 3:30, she was in rare form and was in time out and had been talked to 3 times before Josh got home at 5.  I am tired.  I am worn.  Did I mention that I was FRUSTRATED?

I love her and I want us to be loving to each other.  I thought I would be having these issues when she was a teenager, not when she was 5!

Please say a prayer for me.

I am currently on book number 1,238 (not literally, but it feels like it!).  But can I just call in Super Nanny?  She gets the kids (and adults) whipped into shape in a matter of a few days.