The blessing of a sprained ankle

Josh is leaving for Guatemala.  In a few short hours, he will be boarding a plane that will take him to meet the rest of his team in Miami and then they will all leave the country together.  I am excited for him and know that the week will seem long, but it is only one short week.  I am so glad that I was able to go to Peru just one year ago, because the thoughts and feelings about my trip - before, during, and after - are still somewhat fresh to me, so I am able to share in his experience more fully than if I would have never went.

Whenever one of us flies anywhere, I get really nervous.  I always wonder if the plane one of us is taking will be "the one".  Every time I talk about my anxiety over flying, Josh always reminds me that plane crashes are rare, but I always think that no matter how rare they are, someone eventually gets on "the one" that is going down.

But the other night, as I was doing a menial task at home, I feel down my porch steps and earned myself a midnight trip to the ER.  I thought I broke my foot, but it is just a bad sprain.  But the pain was shocking, worse than any other injury I can remember.  The sick feeling as I sat on the ground waiting for Josh to come get me, knowing that I couldn't walk and not knowing how long it would be until I could was something I will not soon forget.  Then regret for going outside at midnight to bring in my kids' inflatable pools, instead of just waiting until the morning, added to my pain and the tears began to flow.  As I sat on the couch in pain that brought shivers to my body, I began to think, "How am I going to make it through this week?  God why did this have to happen now?  Don't you know that this is the worst time for this to happen?  How am I going to take care of the kids when I can't even stand up?"  And then the tears really began to flow.  But then, suddenly, I began to chuckle.  I think Josh thought I had lost it.  But the absurdity of it all hit me.  The absolute uncontrollability of life (I know that uncontrollability is not technically a word, but I think it should be.  If someone can make phat a word, which has a lot less sensibility and usefulness, than I can make up a word as needed also.)

But yesterday, as I sat and sat and...well...sat, I began to think about how this sprained foot wasn't that bad.  First of all, obviously, it was just my foot and it was just a sprain.  It will take me just a couple weeks at the very most to be fully recovered.  Secondly, it happened while Josh was still home.  So, not only was he here to help me the first day, but to give me emotional support when I did it, which is one of the things he does best.  Third, it forced me to accept help from my great friend, Jenny, and others who will probably help me through the week.  It not only reminded me that I have a great community of friends, but that I need to accept help as willingly as give it. It also made me realize how much I wait on my kids and do things for them that they really could, and possibly should, do on their own.  (As an addendum to my second & third point, I am also glad Josh was home the first day and could help me get in and out of the shower when my foot was the worst.  I love my friends, but there is some help that would be a little more difficult to give and accept!) Fourth, I tend to have a superwoman mentality and want to do everything not just "good enough", but with the utmost precision and excellency.  As I looked around my house yesterday, I realized that there wasn't much I could do about anything - the clutter, the errands, and my other "to do's" - and, surprise surprise, the world didn't implode or fall off its axis!  Fifth, and most importantly, I was reminded that someone doesn't have to board a plane to be in harm's way.  Danger can be right on your doorstep (pun intended).  So, I am no longer scared for Josh to fly.  Don't get me wrong, I will still be waiting to hear from him and thank the Lord when he has safely arrived, but it is different than the usual fear.

I hope to give you updates of his trip, as he sends them.  I am also going to try to enter the world of video calling through Skype - thanks to the handy-dandy webcam we picked up last night. It would be awesome to be able to see and talk to Josh while he is gone.  When I went to Peru, I was only able to chat on-line for just a few minutes each night with Josh and, since Elias and Bella could barely read, chatting with them was out of the question!*

Pray for Josh as he is away and for safe, uneventful travel.  He already had the chaos of a delayed flight that would have caused him to miss his connection before he even left the house.  Luckily, after a nail-biting hour of phone calls with the airlines, he is booked on another flight that will get him to Miami only 10 minutes later than his original flight.

As a side note, I think one use of crutches (or crunches, as Bella calls them) is to take a hurt person's focus off the pain of their hurt limb by allowing them to focus on the pain in their armpits!  Last night, I was hobbling around without the crutches, trying to put Josh's mind at ease that he didn't have to worry about me while he was away...and saving wear and tear on my armpits.  But instead of Josh complimenting on my fortitude, he frustratingly told me that my ankle would never heal or that I was going to hurt myself worse - so I had to resort to only hobbling when he wasn't looking.  But I love my husband and really don't want to prolong this injury (especially since it is my right foot and I can't drive until it heals), I will try to be good while he is away.  I will just have to remind myself of all the muscles I am building in my upper body!

*Elizabeth, you better look out when you return home. You just may get a call and have to look straight into my beautiful face while we talk. - If I can figure out how to add you!