We are living in a material world & I am a material girl

Lately, I have felt like I have been saturated by excess.  I feel a little like a sponge who has soaked up all it can and I feel heavy, saturated.

We have known since January that we were going to get a pretty sizable tax return.  We also have a list of things we thought we would like to do with that sizable tax return.  The list began with a new dishwasher, since mine has not worked properly since we have lived here and I had stopped using entirely in July of last year.  But then there were so many other things that we added, subtracted, pondered, and priced.  Since most of our appliances are older and I am not crazy about their off-white color and have chosen to get a black dishwasher, I thought it might be a good idea to just get all new appliances at once.  We have also talked extensively about getting Josh a new car.  His car is functional, but has had some past mechanical problems and isn't as convenient or safe as the van when having to transport the kids.  Plus, since he has to get to work in bad weather, we thought a AWD or 4WD would be helpful.  Then are dining room chairs are starting to break, so we know we need to replace them sometime in the future, since they've already been repaired a couple times.  And if we get new chairs, maybe we would be better off just getting a new table too.... 

And the list goes on. When I get into "the zone" of thinking of buying something new, I can feel a little crazed.  It is like I am on a drug that keeps me tied to the thoughts of it and I feel a little bit like Gullum from the "Lord of the Rings" with "my precious" or like Billboy Baggypants from Veggietales "Lord of the Bean" when he says he is tired and that he is, "...feeling stretched like chocolate pudding spread across too much ham." (Veggietales humor is my favorite!)

There are no yachts or villas in Tuscany or anything wild on our wish list and I can justify pretty much everything that is on my list.  But all these thoughts of what I need and what I want and how much can I get and how much should I get and "WWJD", have been invading my time and energy to the point that I don't even want the money anymore or the choice to get anything - because I WANT EVERYTHING and know I can't and shouldn't have it all and that, in the end, it all will eventually be my old stuff and I will move on to the next things I want or need to buy next year.

My thoughts also include all of the ways we could donate the money, and there are so many causes worthy of donation. - So, how do we chose how much to who?

On top of this, we have been eating out way too much.  It is from of lack of time or meal planning and because we have been going out a lot with friends or meetings and traveling some.  But, no matter the reason, I am so sick of eating out!  It makes me feel like that saturated sponge all over again (physically - I am starting to get very spongy around my middle - and emotionally)!  The excess of money spent, calories eaten, junky food, and time in the hustle and bustle of the public and time away from home feeling "at home" has made me feel very out of sorts.  A friend suggested that she would bring take out to my house the other day for our lunch and I honestly had no temptation whatsoever to eat food from a restaurant.  I really would have loved to have a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  We were supposed to go to Elias' basketball banquet tonight and they were serving pizza. Elias was sick last night, so won't be able to attend.  Even though it is free to us and I am bummed that Elias has to miss that experience, I am so glad that we get to eat at home!

So we bought the dishwasher and a stove, because those are the appliances that are in true need of replacement and have decided to hold off on all other buying decisions for a while.  In the meantime, I will try to wring out all the stuff that has been making me feel full and bloated from this life and take in more of what I need.

"I make myself rich by making my wants few." - Henry David Thoreau