...In Jesus' Name

Okay, I know that I said I had written my last installment about my Peru trip, but...I lied.  I just can't help talking about something that has completely turned my heart upside down.  So, I am just going to admit it now - you might be seeing much more about it in the future.
I have to be truthful and say that last week I think that even though my body was comfortably back in my town in my home with my family, my mind and heart were still in Peru.  I was reliving the hugs, the kisses on my cheeks, the smiles...as well as the heaviness, the heartache, the feeling that I was a voice crying into darkness.  Josh, being the steadfast man he has always been, quietly walked beside me, knowing that I was only hearing half of what was going on around me and able to care about slightly less.  One night, after a long day of battling my heart all day to just get over it, I apologized to him about my absence of mind.  He simply said, "It isn't my job to tell you how to work through your feelings." - I don't think he ever realizes what a gift that is to give to somebody - the gift of unselfish patience (but that is for another blog post).
I have felt such a tug-of-war on my heart.  Am I saying enough?  Am I saying too much? Am I conveying the truth in love?  Am I over-dramatizing things?  Am I sugar-coating things?  Have my internal struggles been disparaging or discouraging?
Then Sunday morning in church, I realized why I am struggling so much.  The message Sunday was simple, yet profound.  The sermon was simply that the gospel message, that Jesus is our salvation, our truth, and our provider, should be our central message.  Christian living is a by-product of our faith in Christ, but it isn't something that is tacked on to our belief - like a bait and switch offer on a bad television infomercial.  "You get the free gift of salvation and all you have to do is to act like a good Christian!"  And Christian living isn't something that should be expected to be done without a relationship with Jesus. God's love for me and for the people in Peru and in countries all over the world should be my motivator.  My hope and joy should be in God's presence being known in the lives of the kids and families involved in Compassion - not just in the receiving countries, but also in the giving countries.  Do you know that Christ died for your sins and that it should make a functional difference in your everyday life, if you know him as your savior? (Thank you Pastor Seth for letting me steal part of your sermon.)  I had to give back over the reigns of the work I do for Compassion and, really, my whole life again Sunday morning.  I have to do that so often.  I can talk about how Compassion is doing what they do all day long, but if I don't remember to tell people why they do what they do, then I am really missing the mark.  Compassion's slogan is "Releasing children from poverty in JESUS' name." and the last part makes all the difference in the world.
So let me tell you a story about Peru, from the (North) American side...Isabella loves to carry books around the house and act like she is reading them, sometimes to herself, sometimes to imaginary others.  Today she was carrying around a Bible and she was saying, "And Jesus tells us to take everything we have and share it with the poor people who don't have as much." - She is only 4 1/2.  I think that even though I had to miss her first day of preschool and it was heart wrenching to leave my family for a week, it was important even for them that I went, because they get it - at least partially.  They are starting to see that loving God and loving others because God first loved us must make a functional difference in our lives.  When I got on the plane to fly to Peru, I prayed, "Lord, even if I don't make it home, please let my family and friends know that my death wasn't in vain and that you have a purpose for everything." But the truth is, every day is a day someone dies.  It doesn't matter if they are going to another country or going across town for work.  If you have never asked Jesus to enter into your heart and life in a way that makes you know that he is your way, truth, and life, don't wait until the next time you have to think about it and don't feel like you can't do it because you just can't live up to the standards of "Christian Living".  When you love God with your whole heart, soul, and mind, He will help you with the "loving your neighbor as yourself".