Closing Time

Today was Elias' last day of school and his soccer party to celebrate the end of the season.  Our small group is having our last social event Friday and Bella's gymnastics classes ended the last week of May. We have been outside as much as possible lately and our days have been a buzz of "closing" events.

It feels good to know we have so much unscheduled time ahead of us, but a part of it is daunting.  I have had to resist the urge to say, "Of course, we can do such & such, because we have all this time on our hands."  I know that summer will probably pass in a blur and next school year will begin too soon.  We looked at pictures of Elias' first day of kindergarten and it is amazing how 9 months have changed our children.  We took pictures again this morning. 

I get my camera out less and less these days.  I wish there was a way to just have a camera rolling every day (without my knowledge-I don't want to become a crazy reality television casualty!), so it could record the mundane moments that make up much of my life.  I read a blog recently that said home movies aren't a realistic picture of our lives.  I have to agree.  There are so many quirky or sentimental things that occur every day that never get recorded, but mean so much.  But as soon as I turn on my camera, whether it is video or still, my kids automatically go into "picture mode", sometimes dodging the camera and acting silly or being a ham and putting on quite a performance.  We were in the car the other day and Bella was singing a song emphatically.  We had our video camera with us, since we were on our way to one of our "closing" events, and so I filmed her without her knowing it - for about 5 seconds - then the magic was over.


I seem to remember my childhood in snapshots and so many of my thoughts of how things, people, and situations were are sort of compartmentalized and static.  But I know there are parts that I have forgotten or have chosen to forget or never understood the importance of at the moment.  There are relationships that were more dynamic than I knew and people who cared about me more than I gave them credit for at the time.  Just the other day, I told Josh something about my childhood that he never knew.  It surprised me that there could be something that I have not told him in our 18+ years together.  And it made me realize how few moments of my life that I remember myself.  There are almost 526,000 minutes in a year - I googled it.  That means I have lived approximately 18 MILLION minutes, give or take a few thousand.  Now, if you subtract that by half, to account for sleep and babyhood, that is still 9 MILLION minutes!  Yet if I added up all the moments I remember vividly, I can't imagine that they total more than a couple million. But I know all the other minutes are there somewhere and have helped make me who I am.  I know having kids and seeing them go through their own lives as children has unlocked memories of my childhood that I had long forgotten.

Recently, I posted a song by Watermark called Glory Baby about miscarrying a baby.  On their next CD, they wrote another song titled Noah's Song about their son who was then a toddler.  I think about this song a lot in those moments when I see my kids discovering something for the first time or they do something that reminds me of something I did as a child and had long forgotten.

Sweet Noah by Watermark
Your eyes are a window
To all of our childhood dreams
It's almost like we're starting over again
One more trip through this life
With different eyes to see

You're the gift that came to take us back
Cause baby dear, you have the joy we lack
With your tiny hands
You touch a different world
Your full of wonder, full of hope
And full of one more chance
For us to see the world again
Like God sees the world

Little lover of God
You'd smile at a stranger
You don't think to be careful
How sweet is your love
You'd reach for the most unlovely of creatures
Your love is so unconditional

You're the gift that came to take us back
Cause baby dear, you have the love we lack
With your tiny heart
You'll love a different world
Your full of wonder, full of hope
And full of one more chance
For us to love the world again
Like God loves the world

And a child shall lead them
For such is the kingdom of heaven
Simple faith, simple love
Just because

Little faithful one
You're just like a mirror
Reflecting anything and everything we do
Mirror, mirror oh how you remind us
That we should reflect our Father just the same

You're the gift that came to take us back
Cause baby dear, you have the faith we lack
With your tiny life
You've shown the precious love of God
He's full of mercy, full of grace,
And full of one more chance
For us to daily learn to love
Like He first loved us

And a child shall lead them
For such is the kingdom of heaven
Simple faith, simple love
Just because