Trying to define me...

Recently, I had the privilege to tell a little of my life's testimony in two different situations to the ladies at our church.  As I look at these two very different accounts of my life, I feel a little like I have a split personality.  One talks about the pain and troubles I had growing up and the other talks about the benefit I have received by being mentored throughout my life.  One talks about an area of sin and weakness I am struggling with and the other talks about an area of my life where God has used me to be an example for others.  They seem like two pieces of a puzzle that do not fit together. 

When I am asked about my life, I often have trouble categorizing it as good or bad or defining what it was like at all.  Though there was much dysfunction, there were happy times too. And though there was lots of emotional upheaval, there were many good memories made along the way. The pain I have experienced has shaped me as much, if not more, than the happy times. 

I always want to shield my kids from unhappiness and heartache and have everything just right.  This includes me wanting to be perfect in all my dealings with them.  When I really blow it, I will tell Josh that I am convinced that our kids are going to grow up to be heathens because of my poor parenting.  He just shakes his head because he knows that I know upbringing alone does not make you who you will be. Only God can have a final say in that.

Thankfully, God blessed me with the grace to learn not only from my own mistakes, but from others' mistakes as well - which has saved me from a lot of personal heartache throughout my life!  From a young age, the Holy Spirit helped me to find and accept the good that could be found in people or situations, like a miner mines a plain, ugly rock for a little bit of treasure. 

I have lost some of that ability through the years.The ability is not my natural self, but only God working through me.  When I stray from God, I get fussy and selfish and want to complain about all the bad and how it gives me excuses to be bad myself.  I want to look at others' faults to make my faults look less offensive. It is a sad cycle that perpetually leaves me only feeling worse. 

So, I guess I do have a split personality - my natural self vs. God's Holy Spirit dwelling in me; the results of the sinful world's effects on me vs. the results of His grace washing away the hurt and shame and redeeming my life.

"My hope is built"

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Mary's Response

I was reading a devotion about when the angel appeared to Mary and told her that she would be the mother of Jesus Christ.  The devotion asked something like, "What is noteworthy about Mary's response to what the angel told her?" Now this isn't a new question. I have heard this question asked and talked about many, many times before. Often there are references made to Mary's faith in believing that God could do what He said. 

But something struck me unexpectedly as I was thinking about the question. I remember when I was preparing to marry Josh. I was like a woman obsessed.  I didn't want anything to stand in the way of our marriage plans and the future we were preparing to start.  Now, I know that Mary and Joseph's marriage was probably arranged and so it was a little different, but I wonder if Mary ever thought, "God, you are really messing up my plans!  I want to be a young married wife and not already pregnant when I get married and be a mother soon after - especially the mother of the Savior. I just want a normal life like everyone else. That is so much pressure!  Can't you find someone else to do it?"  It isn't her faith that surprises me, as much as her unselfishness in submitting to God's plans, even though she had to know it would reek havoc on the plans she had already made.

I so often complain or feel disgruntled when things don't go the way I think they should go.  If I have plans and they don't come to fruition, I can be the most miserable person!  Often I am not reacting to the negativity of the alternative, but I am mad and frustrated that I didn't get to choose the alternative.  When sickness or weather prevents us from doing something, it is not that staying home is that terrible.  I regularly enjoy staying home.  It is the fact that I didn't get to be the one to chose to stay home. 

I pray that I could have the unselfish response of Mary.

New Year's Resolution in One Word

The Compassion Advocate Network has encouraged advocates this year to exchange New Year's Resolutions for a word.  Not just any word, but a word that will be a word that the Holy Spirit uses to guide your choices and your thoughts for the year. 

There is a better description of this concept on the Compassion Blog here in 2010 and an update here in 2011. 

I am not big on New Year's Resolution.  It makes me feel like it is just setting me up for failure and if I need to do something, I shouldn't wait for the new year to come, but I should just do it immediately.

So, I never chose a word in the past and honestly was not necessarily jumping right into it this year either.  But as I was thinking about it, the word FOCUS kept popping into my mind.  I brushed it off the first few times, not really giving it much focus (hardy-har-har).  But it would not stop slipping into my mind. 

Focus is something that I am always trying to obtain, but it seems always evasive. 

I am the queen of mulit-tasking.  And even when I am not physically trying to accomplish many tasks (which is very rare), my mind is often working double time.  I have left after spending an evening with someone and came home and feeling like I never really saw or spent time with them at all.

I constantly spread myself so thin that nothing can really get my full attention.  It reminds me of how a camera focuses.  If a lens is going to able to get a crisp, clear picture of something in the foreground, everything around it must be out of focus. The crisper the focused item is, the more out of focus everything around it becomes.  Sure, a picture can be taken where everything in the foreground and background are all in focus, but all details are missed. 

I want to be able to focus on what is important.  That will require me to not focus on things that may be important, but not quite so much.  I have started doing this already in December and it has been such a dramatic change from my norm and I do not regret it.

If I continue to hone my focus, it will cause me to disappoint others and sometimes even myself, but it is necessary.  I feel like I have really lived the month of December, instead of letting it live me.  I have appreciated my good health, my family and home even more than I do on a regular basis.

So my word for 2012 is FOCUS.  You have permission to check to see if I am keeping my focus throughout the coming year.

Can you think of a word that could take the place of or be an addition to your New Year's Resolution?

2011 Christmas Letter

This is our Christmas Letter that we mailed out to those who don't see us often.  Many of those who read my blog, didn't receive this letter, because they were present for many of the happenings of this year.  But I thought I would share it here, just in case anyone would be interested in reading it.

Dear Friends & Family:

Christmas seems to come quicker every year!  It doesn’t seem possible that it’s time to write our Christmas letter.  One of my traditions is to read through the letters we’ve written in the past.  This always makes me feel a bit nostalgic & realize how fast things change! 

As in the past, we have seen a theme in the events that occurred in 2011.  This years’ theme was to “expect the unexpected”. Some of the unexpected was pleasant & some was not.

We were affected by several unexpected, sudden deaths of friends & a relative. These reminded us yet again that life is so short & that we must live & love to the fullest every day. It has caused us to hug each other a little longer & to cut out some of the busyness that takes us away from the relationships that mean the most.

Then we had several months of unexpected medical & house issues that caused Jennifer to say to Josh, “I think the warranty on our house & bodies ran out at the same time!”  It started in June with a broken garage door & a small basement leak. But at the end of July, a day before Josh was leaving to go with Compassion International to Guatemala, Jennifer fell on our porch steps & fractured 3 bones in her foot. Thankfully, our church friends rallied around us & helped Jennifer while Josh was away. But, literally, the hour Josh arrived home from the airport, the small basement leak turned into a flooded basement! Then the following week, our furnace/ac unit stopped working & Josh realized that souvenirs weren’t the only thing he’d brought back from Guatemala, but an intestinal “bug” as well!  It just seemed to go on from there in a similar manner through October.

Thankfully, even though those months were stressful, they were all minor or fixable problems & we thank God that our health & house issues were not more serious.

In the spring, Josh had the unexpected surprise of getting assigned to be Elias’ head coach & also Bella’s soccer teams’ assistant coach. It was fun to be all together, involved in an activity. So this past fall, Josh decided to be the head coach for both kids’ teams. But, now, Bella has decided her soccer days are behind her & she wants to move on to dance. Elias still loves soccer, but he wants to explore other sports also – like all of them!  This winter he is again playing basketball & he is thrilled that the 2^nd grade league keeps score. When he plays soccer again in the spring, his division will keep score for the first time as well & he is excited to feel part of a more official team. 

Isabella began kindergarten this fall & took to it very quickly. She love going & then comes home & plays school almost every evening. She has really blossomed & is not quite as shy as she used to be - though her gym teacher said she has barely heard her talk! She loves to read & tries to read just about everything wherever she goes. We are constantly amazed at how much she’s able to decipher on her own. She got her ears pierced at the beginning of the year for her birthday & bangs cut into her hair in the summer.  Coupled with the way her height has sprung up, and she looks so grown up!  She discovered her first loose tooth the day before she started kindergarten & it fell out just 2 days later!  A month later, a second tooth fell out just as quickly.  She was very proud to be getting a visit from the tooth fairy like her brother.

 

Elias started 2^nd grade & he is now able to read full books with little help. He is all boy & would rather wrestle & tell gross jokes than do school work. He also still savors his role as the wiser, older brother.  But he’s a sweethearted child. His 1^st & 2^nd grade teachers both compliment his kindness to others & his good character.  It definitely makes us proud!  He has lost 7 teeth & at one point barely had any teeth at all in the front of his mouth.  But unlike Bella, none of his have come out quickly. His top front tooth was loose for 6 months before it finally came out! His adult teeth are making him look even more like Josh – handsome, of course! 

We have decided to take some time away from working with the youth at our church, but are still enjoying being involved in other ways there.  We still love working with Compassion International & we are so glad that we’ve now had the opportunity to meet each of our sponsored children & visit their country.  Our sponsored children have always felt like part of our family, but since we have been able to hug them & feel their kisses on our cheeks & hear their voices with our own ears, they have become an even bigger part of our lives.  Thanks to the wonder of technology, we were able to see & talk to Josh every day while he was in Guatemala & we were able to send a video message to Jeremias, our sponsored child, & Josh sent one back to us.  We are glad that we have seen the work that Compassion does, through sponsors all over the developed world - to help these children have hope in their lives & for their future; to know that God made them for a purpose; & when the unexpected does happen, God is still in control. 

We thank God that even when we grumble & complain over the unexpected turns in life, that he is constant & trustworthy.  When the circumstances cloud our perspective, He can help us see things from a different view & allow us to see the good & not just the bad.  There is a song by Sara Groves called, “From this one place” that Jennifer has sang many times this year when the circumstances around her didn’t make any sense.  The last verse says, “From this one place I can't see very far; In this one moment I'm square in the dark; These are the things I will trust in my heart; You (God) can see something else; something else”

We hope that each of you have a peaceful & joyful Christmas. We hope that if the circumstances around you aren’t making much sense, that you will be able to put trust in God knowing that he can see things from a much broader perspective.  Or, if you’re on a mountain top right now, look around to help those who may need a little love & comfort, because they are in the midst of a cloud of circumstance.

Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year!

Josh, Jennifer, Elias, & Bella Wilson

♫God rest you merry, Gentlemen, Let nothing you dismay, For Jesus Christ our Savior
was born upon this Day. To save poor souls from Satan's power,

Which long time had gone astray. That brings tidings of comfort and joy. ♫

This peace....

The last few months we have been spending lots of time as a family.  We have been enjoying many activities at home together.  I have passed up many of the invitations to open houses and product parties that kept my schedule full last Christmas.  And since I was able to shop and wrap presents while the kids were at school, by the time they were on Christmas break, I was free to be with them, instead of making last minute preparations.  The holiday was minus all hustle and bustle. So by the time Christmas came, I was sad that it had arrived so quickly, instead of being thankful to have it over! 

The kids were old enough this year to really understand and participate fully in the advent and Christmas activities we did, like making ornaments and baking.  It was so fun to do those things together and to be able to focus the Christmas season back on Christ's birth.

And at the same time I notice all the kids are able to do, the more I realize that they are growing so fast.  It feels like it was only a heartbeat ago that I was nestling their little bodies in my lap helping them tear open the paper on their gifts and now they are reading off the names and handing the gifts out.  I only have them for a few heartbeats and that they are slipping away from me a little more each year as they grow more and more independent.  It is so bittersweet.  So I have been soaking them in and making memories while we can.

The kids were snuggling on the couch a couple mornings before Christmas, while Josh and I were in the bedroom getting ready for the day.  I overheard Elias say to Bella (who was due on Christmas day 2003, but didn't arrive until January 4th), "The year mom was pregnant for you was the best Christmas ever because I knew I was going to get you as a sister and that was the best present ever!"  It is things like this that I want to hold in my heart forever.  


So that is why I haven't been blogging.  I have been so busy just enjoying the holiday season, I didn't take the time to write it down.  I guess I would call my holiday season peaceful.  It is funny that I barely recognize peace when I actually attain it. Or better said, when I finally listen to the Holy Spirit and allow myself time and the spiritual discipline to obey.

Sara Groves has a song that is called "This Peace", which I love and always feel peace when I listen to it.  I have copied and pasted the lyrics below, but you can click on the link if you'd like to hear her sing it as well.


This Peace by Sara Groves

So many words to say, but I'm opting for silence
So many days to live
I thinking I'm sitting this one out
Cause something I've been chasing finally stop to let me catch it
Something I've been longing for and dreaming about

It's a whisper in my ear
It's a shiver up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace

It's something so elusive 
Something close but far away
It's the home that I can't live in yet somewhere in outer space
And sometimes I barely miss it when I walk into the room
The curtains are still swaying and I feel the air move

And it whispers in my ear and it shivers up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace

No time to grab a camera
No time to write it down
Just time enough to breathe it in
And linger

It's a whisper in my ear
It's a shiver up my spine 
It's the gratitude I feel for all that's right
It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight
This peace, This peace 

Last minute shopping

My kids just chose some Christmas gifts tonight from the Compassion Catalog.  There were so many things to choose.  Elias' choice didn't surprise me too much - he selected playground equipment.  Bella wanted to choose three things, but when I asked her which she'd want to give the most, she said clean and sanitary bathrooms.  She said she didn't like icky bathrooms, so she wants another kid to have clean bathrooms too. Her second runner up was clean water and her third was school supplies.

My friend Jill has shared ideas on her blog, Compassion Family, of how she is using the Compassion Catalog to buy things to honor those in her life. 

Check out her blog entry below.

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A Present for the Birthday Boy

In all of your holiday preparations, did you remember to buy the birthday boy a gift?

Now before you rush off to the mall in search of the perfect gift for Jesus, let me save you some time and recommend you browse through the Compassion catalog. It's full of gift ideas and the prices range from $5 - $325 with many prices in between.

There are several ways you can implement gifts of Compassion into your Christmas giving.

You can be like Jessica's family, who forgoes all gifts and only gives to Jesus. Each member chose a gift from the catalog to give to birthday boy.

Or you can forgo material gifts to extended family members and give them gifts of honor. This is what we are doing and I was pleased to find appropriate gifts in the catalog that held meaning for our family members.

For example, there are 3 new babies on my husband's side of the family so we chose to feed babies for survival.

There is a dental student in the family and so we chose dental care.


















One of our grandparents used to own a school supply store....

You get the idea. There really is something for everyone in the catalog - and ultimately it's a gift for Jesus so you can 't lose!

Here is a great video you can watch to see how other families are using the catalog.



And here's another one showing how it works.

I would LOVE to hear how you are using the Compassion catalog in your family this year.

For your viewing enjoyment (and you don't even have to buy a $5 bucket of popcorn to enjoy it)!

It has been a while since I have posted, but I have some awesome videos to make up for my absence.

There have been some videos made by Missions In Action.  These videos were not directly produced by Compassion, but highlight countries where Compassion works.  And, if you are an Amazing Race or Survivor fan, you may recognize some of the members of the Mission in Action team.

This is a description of the purpose of the videos from their website:

Missions In Action is an interactive series that was created with the purpose to make a difference in the world.
The format of each episode is very simple and straight-forward:

1. Identify a problem somewhere in the world that people are facing.
2. Highlight the actions that individuals and/or companies are taking to help those in need.
3. Provide a way for viewers to help out through a specific call to action.

 Watch the first video here.  And then stick around to check out Episodes 2-5...and more to come.  They are all just a few minutes long.  You can watch them all in less time than it would take you to watch a regular 1/2 hour television show and you'll be glad you did.